Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.
streetriots 9
My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.
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Comments (147)
olpally 33
Not gonna lie, that's one of the best pranks ever! Just be glad he didn't put a whip in there too! Haha.
ironik69 31
I think olpally is going for the badge where you have three unburied comments on one fml. LOL.
tmmundy 17
50....I only counted 2 comments he made, and this is the first I heard of this new rule that we had to limit our comments on each FML post. Thank you for informing us (as I roll my eyes).
ironik69 31
Wow 57, harsh much? It was a joke. You know, some people do still do that. But thank you so much for putting me in my place.
CharresBarkrey 16
57 - When you're done pulling your foot out of your mouth, you should check out comment #54.
spazz666 18
You're an idiot. Nobody said anything about limiting comments. Do you even understand what a badge is? Stop while you're ahead.
AHappyGoth 14
Maybe you could. . .educate them. . . *Cue 80's porno music*
starflyer59 17
I am so doing this to my sister. Brilliant idea!
abu4u 26
Good thing the guards have a sense of humour.
buckeyed 20
haha im sorry thats uncomfortable but at least your boyfriend sounds playful! plan on how to get him back next time he goes to the airport. a large buttplug, perhaps? ;)
ragini95 16
This may be my favourite fml of all time.
benives21 4
I'm surprised the TSA didn't take you in for further questioning and call the handcuffs a weapon
therealafroninga 10
Yeah, they go by NSA.
mikepzz 27
That's hilarious! Embarrassing but you gotta admit that's too funny
Tgo19053 15
At least they didn't strip search you looking for more toys lol
SMHsohard 22
Considering the number of times I'm delving into my purse in the course of a day, I'm surprised you didn't find them before you got to the airport. You either have a huge-ass purse, or much restraint. Whichever, that was funny as Hell.