Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML
Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Pretended not to know what it was? "What is this? I'm going to have to show this foreign object to the sniffer dogs, it could contain drugs." That could have been even more embarrassing.
streetriots 9
My girlfriend is flying out of town tomorrow. Must do this.
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Comments (147)
samimcCune 15
lighten up, it's not like it's something that could have gotten you into trouble with the Tsa. I've got both of those things, mine aren't furry though, and neither are pink, but point is it's not anything to be ashamed of. laugh a little, laughing induces relaxation, relaxing makes it easier to get off. now add the vibrator and handcuffs, you're plenty ready to go now. so have some fun, it doesn't hurt, and this doesn't completely **** your life, but if you let it, it can get something ******:)
floatablebullet 7
Priceless
D3ATHZ3RO 15
What? Is he six?
chloe_m12 9
Awkward...
zombiekiller52 24
This gives me some ideas. Hehehe
Davros 12
tell em it's a massager for your gums. Damn gingivitis.