Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML
Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML
Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML
Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML
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Top comments
Imagril 0
How old is that kid? seriously he needs some sense of respect kicked into him
suckstobeyou3 0
Ground that little brat for being an asshole.
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Comments (311)
xalexrulesx 0
lmfao.
danceydancetime 0
he's an ass, but you should probably tone it down. kids hate that kind of stuff.
spacetaco 0
Well, you're the mother. It's your JOB to make this kid's life miserable. Take charge. Ground this kid. Send him to military school. Send him to the dentist and get his molars taken out. Make sure he never repeats that "b" word ever again, because as long as he uses that type of attitude around women, he ain't ever gonna get a girlfriend. Give him hell.
rednals 0
OMG #36 thats so funny and well thought out!!! you should marry me
brianrubin 0
That one stings! Ouch!
Mr_Positive 3
Aw, don't worry about it ! He didn't mean it, he might have just been embarrassed in front of his friend, that happens - especially with kids! That is why he felt the urge to deny it and what better way to deny it than to say something mean about the one who is cheering you on? Again, I'm sure he didn't mean his words.
jessxoxo28 5
ur son loves u very much... lol!!!
FBIWarning 0
Do you guys really think that's the first time he's insulted her? Probably not. And if you are really offended by that comment then you are a very insecure person. If you get upset over something this small then I feel sorry for you. When he says it directly to your face, by all means shut him up, if not then get over it, YDI.
Retiredrockstar 0
Your son needed his butt paddled a long, long time ago.
theanonimouse 0
Yeah, #58, I'm not sure where you were raised, but no one I have ever associated with would even DREAM of saying something like that about their mom... My mom used to come to my band practices and wait for a pause in the music just so she could yell my name during the silence. Was it embarrassing? Sometimes. Other times it was just plain funny - but maybe that's just me. I value respect and family over my "social status" with a bunch of immature teens I won't even associate with anymore after a few years.