Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
marris 0
I'd say "mom is there anything I'd need to know abotu having sex without condoms. You see I was going to use them but someone ruined them and i didn't have time to run and get any more so we just went without protection"
peaceandlovex3x3 0
i honestly have sent this to everyone its hilariouss
nativebacon 0
If I were the mom, I would have just pasted pictures of Jesus on the condoms...... so it wouldn't ruin them, just give him/her something to think about. lol
abcdefgh_fml 0
WOW that sucksss! what a bitch! i would deff tell her that you got pregnant hahaha that would get her back good!
naiveprophet 15
hahaha I kind of find that extremely funny, actually. I mean, it sucks. But it's funny.
ohguru 0
i think i'm laughing more about the jesus pins. wtf?
kbtoys 2
Holy shit, Jesus pins. Priceless. I would have definitely mentioned something about opting for anal/pull out method since she ruined your perfectly good condoms. ;)
ellieFITCH 0
Number 10 and 1 are the best.
comradesnarky 0
Teenagers are always going to have sex? I'm almost seventeen. I used to be a bit of a ***** and a tease and thought I would have sex in a heartbeat. I have had many opportunities to have sex, in many instances with guys I genuinely wanted. I have been convinced that I am ready for sex; I have planned and agreed to have sex. I have been sure that I am completely in love with my current boyfriend and have been on the verge of having sex when, in a split second beforehand, the conscience I generally ignored reared its head more than it ever had in my entire life. I'm still a virgin. And after three years of those near occasions, I converted to Catholicism. Those are two of the things I'm the most thankful for.
b_randi626 0
lmao thats totally something my mom would do