Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
blacklagoon_fml 0
**** off #50. It's spelled "dyke" FYI and we are obviously not the type to stick a Jesus pin through anyone's condoms and tell them who they should be having sex with, unlike you, you hateful piece of shit.
cucho 0
I'd say the whole thing was a funny: a practical joke... IF there hadn't been mention of the Jesus Pins. That just makes it creepy. Although if they really aren't christians, then the whole thing is very, very funny. Whatever way the story ended, I really hope this didn't discourage U from using condoms, if U choose to have sex.
cucho 0
@#81 - So in your mind, "No Condoms" automatically means "No Sex"?... When are people going to wake up and realize that this logic just doesn't work?! I'm sure the idea of your child having sex when you don't think they're old or mature or prepared enough for it must be really scary. But further the idea along for a minute and think about them getting pregnant or an STD. Get real... teens are gonna have sex, no matter what. We can tell them not to, we can ground them, we can Jesus-Pin their condoms... but in the end, they will have sex. Condoms are not sex-enablers... they're just protection against a higher risk of unwanted consequences. If you knew your kids were gonna jump from a plane mid-flight, no matter what you told them, wouldn't you like them to have a parachute on when they did?
kung_fu 0
Bahahaha@! but seriously..WWJD cus..Jesus wouldnt have used a condom
JustAGirl_fml 0
On the bright side there's always oral.
HatchetMan 0
Tell the ignorant bitch that apparently Jesus wants you to get an STD. Your mother is suffering from a self-induced delusion and can not be treated as a rational human being as her imaginary friend is calling all the shots. Get away from the bitch ASAP!!
sillypun 0
#42 is an obvious moron. Plus, the girl had a box full of condoms.... It may have been her first time with THAT boyfriend. At least she was using a rubber. I hate those things. Rubbers are the only thing keeping my monogamous -- birth control & clean bills of health means goood goood loving. F your Mom.
LittleLulu_fml 0
I agree with everyone who says this is bad parenting. Even as a joke, what example is she setting? If you wont get into too much trouble I say go ahead and try those fake pregnacy/HIV things and see what she says. It's a good thing to know you can get some at your local drug store but seriously there is a better way at preventing or at least talking about sex. Your Mom can say how bad it is until her face is blue but if it's your choice then it's your choice. I say if you're almost legal MOVE OUT! why I'm glad my Mom is not as religious.
MCart_fml 0
Do what #1 and #34 say... Take #75's advice but keep the Jesus approved condoms right where they are.. just remove a few of them (leave the open wrappers) to make #1 and #34 look realistic when she goes back and digs through your stuff again in a few days. #49, dead on. Also OP, you should never trust anything as private while living with your parents again after a stunt like this, whether you earned it yourself or not, in their opinion it's their property and so are you. After you move out, they will still believe that.. my mother still does and I'm 24. I really feel sorry for your family, I grew up the same way... it's horrible to not be able to trust your parents because they make it obvious they don't trust you or respect you, and in a few years when you avoid talking to them most of the time hopefully they'll understand why.
nottelling 0
Ahahaha #1. At least the mom seems like she has humore