Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
userisprivate 0
your mom obviously wants to be grandma.
Talion1 0
Mom told me my grandma pierced holes on her condoms using Jesus pins the night she had sex with my dad. Now I exist. FML
Emmette 0
#1 you should soo do that!
Tommy_fml 0
Get yourself a pair of these... http://www.cafepress.com/landoverbaptist.14757126
mylifeinontario 0
Ok so where to start: 1)Sex is your choice, BUT you are in your mother's house. Her rules. If you're under 18 respect them or at least have a MATURE conversation with your mom. If you are over 18 and your values and your mom's don't align then maybe its time to move out. 2)I doubt the mom figured she'd use them. If they have obviously come from a religious household, even if you ain't religious yourself, you'll still be turned off by both the unprotected nature, the fact your mom knows, and all those little Jesi. The girl, or anyone one in her situation, was not likely to have sex that day. 3)I hate how people always malign mothers as "passive-aggressive". It comes from pop "blame the mother" psycology. Maybe the mother realizes that the perfect use success of a condom is only 98% and the typical use success is only around 85-90%. It also doesn't protect against HPV and a few other diseases that can be located in other areas around the genitals that aren't covered. Yay, for non-abstinence Health Class that did WAY more to keep me from sleeping around than abstinence only would've done. Anyways, even if it were on religious grounds only, its a creative way to get the message across without being the stern lecturing mom. 4)And yes it is an FML. I might not think that the mother is an awful person, but I certainly would be going FML if that were me!
myfallenidol 0
Dude, your mom's a bitch!
Krow_fml 0
You should have gotten a used condom, put it on her bed with a note that said something like You have to try better or Love your grandson.
jeredud 0
what a bitch, like, WHO WOULD DO THAT
dumb_phuck 0
OWNED!
goju2525 0
#197 your not being an old school parent. Your being a young religious retard, and if you absolutely feel the need to curse to try and prove a point made by your religion at least be smart enough to spell "mother f***er" correctly. I am semi-tolerant of most religions but people like you that think that pre-marital sex is a sin and think that god is going to damn you to hell for engaging in one of the most beautiful acts that a human being can take part in bother the hell out of me. Grab your bible and jump off a building if god loves you and thinks you deserve to live he'll catch you I promise ^_^