Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
DEATHx2 0
Your mom is a retard, she should be thankful your trying to be safe about it
Taihen 0
That made me laugh. But it shows that she doesn't think you're ready for sex yet or doesn't want you having it. At any rate, you're under her roof hence her rules. If you do it at your bf's or someplace else then you're not as much under her rules, but if you're under 18, you're pretty much still under her jurisdiction. Try sitting down with her and having a mature conversation about you wanting to have sex. She may have gone about preventing you in an immature way, but she did prevent you, which was what she wanted. So talk to her about why and see what she says. (Note: many of my close female friends regret their first sexual intercorse and wish they would have waited off for somebody else to do it with, so though it seems upsetting now, you may end up later wishing he wasn't your first, cruel as that may seem)
TheOrpheus 0
wow. your mom kind of sucks.
vwcdude 0
Wow, honestly, punch your mom in the face while she is sleeping. Then when she asks, blame your dad.
MrAbstinence69 0
it should not be legal for people that crazy to have children
berii 0
I am a christian, and I HATE when christians push their beliefs upon other's and shove their opinions down your throats (or through you condoms...) without really taking the big picture into consideration... THERE ARE LESS THREATENING METHODS OF EVANGELISM! Every person has the freedom to choose what to believe and follow... and if your views are different than your mother's, than she should be able to accept and respect that... and I think it sucks that she was childish enough to take the time to maliciously poke through every single condom, instead of sitting down with you like an adult an having an actual conversation...
asher888 11
Freaken agreed is all I can say along with I am Christian and hate it when people do that to. :/
thefella71 0
I have a question about this story. I'm a writer who takes his work seriously. Can you please e-mail me @ [email protected]?
xoxowhatever 0
I kinda agree with #1 but instead of getting pregnant just say you are pregnant to freak her out and tell her its her fault and jesus' ( ha that would piss her off) because she poked holes in your condoms. that is screwed up man.....oh i would be so pissed. i used to leave notes on my diary for my parents saying horrible things to make them mad and so they wouldnt read my diary.
Tenma_Hakase 0
That mom is a genius
allie2590 31
So she doesn't want you to have safe sex...?