Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (267)
whattheshit 0
Yeah, why does your mom have jesus pins laying around?
thisman121 0
just do it without, its your moms fault for ruining your contraceptive, so you might as well enjoy it and do it without
Cantexplain1234 0
Hey mom? I had to use these condoms for a physics project, why do they have a hole in them? Brand new box, and an easy explanation.
sucks2byou522 0
lol #76 and your mom is ****** batshit. my mom is too, so i feel your pain
Lovebug9 0
Like that is going to stop you. Hah. Talking is a better sex-stopper than jesus. Especially when jesus is in my condoms.
vampire_fetish15 0
man! i hate people who are Jesus freaks! dude, this is why I'm atheist. how dare she do that to YOUR condoms. yesh. evil mom.
Cami_xx 0
Sounds like MY MOM. Haha. She'd flip shittt. xD
browneyedbeauty 0
what the hell is a Jesus pin?
isantorin 0
A Jesus pin is a pin with Jesus on it. What's so hard about this. It's really, really hard to say what OP's mom was thinking. Was this a joke or is she always like this? Either way, stupid thing to do. Totally go pull a prank on her.
bassguitar19 1
wow... its so sad to see all these stuck up parents. i have no problem with religion, but some people need to put down the bible and have some nice pre-marital sex or a nice wank. breaking a few rules wont send you to hell