Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (267)
alex_vik 1
Maybe you shouldn't of been screwing around then.
kalidee 0
Wow. Some parents crack me up...
babex21 0
hahahahhahahaha #48
seriouslyscrewu 0
Seriously **** all you liberal pieces of shit. How about you spoiled jewbags go buy your own home if you disagree with your mother not wanting you ******* in her house. "Like omg your MoM isS a total **** 4 not leTtInG U B SAFE, go slit Her TiRes!" Better idea, how about instead of being a stupid ***** and ******* up peoples shit who are putting your worthless ass through life and letting you live under their roof you go get a job, you go get your own place, and you can go **** whoever you want. Society has gone down the shitter and it's explained in these comments. When I have a daughter if any of you ******* sickos even talk to her I will blow your ******* head off. Learn some respect you spoiled ******* lemmings.
Sure_Thing 0
@#161 - Yes, I'm sorry, everyone who posted above should learn some respect and curse out everyone who disagrees with them. Better yet, we should all just face these people head on and "blow your ******* head off." And of course, being spoiled and Jewish totally has some sort of bearing on what is being said... If you have a comment to make, at least make an effort to do so in a somewhat logically consistent manner, instead of spewing out hate-filled, ideological garbage. And of course, lack of sexual repression, openness in public dialogue, and free will are all signs of societal demise, and we should all go back to the days of tyrannical oppression of thought... Dolt...
kotikoti 0
stupid bitch! she should be glad you're trying to be safe!
Spitfire_fml 0
You should tell her you're pregnant. ******* bitch.
MxTori 0
#32 Who thinks of shit like that?
themindflayer 0
way to go momeeee!
xmolliepopx24 0
dont get pregnant but screw with her head haha