Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
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Top comments
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
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Comments (96)
MonkeySpeaks 4
Im with SimplySmile (#34). You sound pretentious and judgemental. There is nothing wrong with not drinking but don't belittle people that do... There are a lot of people that can drink and drink responsibly. Mostly OVER the age of 21-23. Responsible drinkers don't drive while durnk and know their limits (i.e. they don't binge drink). Its fine that you chose a straight edge life style (such a euphamism...sigh)... but don't berate or judge other people for making different choices than you
lolyouareanidiot 0
Why shouldn't we judge people for making stupid decisions? I mean, when someone gets drunk and is rolling around like an idiot, they deserve to be laughed at and looked down on.
earwig12 1
Agreed with #2 - Friends don't let friends drive female. It's simply not responsible.
rachel42 0
If you can't even drive sober, enjoy the drink! Also, if you don't drink, why go to the party? Tell your crush you don't approve parties in general
wichitagirl87 0
lol nice going it was good of you not to drink but.. too bad you made yourself look like an idiot trying to impress him with that "alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars" line lol are you sure you didn't have anything to drink that night?
Kyothine 0
"Alcohol makes people stupid I'm above the influence DUR HUR HUUURR"
lpblue 0
Yeah, I'm 19, and I drink responsibly. I know my limit and don't push it. It's possible to drink and not act like an asshole. You deserve it for being such a jerk. And just by btw, when your crush is drinking and you pretty much call him an idiot for it, he's probably not going to reciprocate your feelings.
Sakeyaki 0
SOMEONE can't drive, either way!
shehzeenahmed 0
okay so to everyone who's making assumptions about women drivers--don't. yes, yes, i know, you think all women suck at driving and we should be taken off the road. but i know a lot of guys who do stupid things on the road, and i know a lot of women who don't. so its not necessarily gender related. this person however, definitely does not need alcohol added to her already poor driving skills lol.
funkycloud7137 0
He must think you're an alcoholic lol. Btw statistically women get in more accidents per hour on the road than men do to all those looking for facts to back up the stereotype.