Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
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Top comments
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
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Comments (96)
ChartreusePony 0
I just think it's refreshing that there are still people out there who don't feel the need to drink to have a good time. Boring people need to drink to have fun.
xroflmaoxd 0
Well, at least you crashed sober.
superson_fml 0
Moral of the story: drink more alcohol
omgshesgotballs 0
only faggots and losers are against drinking. and how stupid do you have to be to crash a car? I've driven so drunk and so high and never crashed, with 5% tint which sucks to drive with at night. FYL
MiiLyfeIsntFcukd 0
lmao at all the comments... maybe u'd drive better intoxicated. u def shouldnt have said that shit about alcohol making people stupid and crash cars. Hell i drive like ****** beast when i'm drunk
JeremyU 0
Agree with #2 and, LOL @ #5
starshine3987 0
It's called MODERATION. People who practice it don't get stupid drunk. Try it sometime.
cnads 0
you shoulda got drunk.
bsellnow 0
What an ignorant view of alcohol. There is such a thing as moderation and responsible behavior.
blueyedcestmoi 0
You must be either be in high school or freshman in college with showing him your self-righteousness about drinking.