Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
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Top comments
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
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Comments (96)
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Mnemic 6
You're a woman, you can't drive anyway! :-P
commonsense 0
well its hard to make that point when your already stupid and crashing cars people like that dont need alcohol to speed things up
Mf2307 15
I would hate to see what he does with alcohol in his system lol
stringbeanjeanoo 0
good call on not drinking and driving tho.
Jimboom 12
Better ride that high horse home because I wouldn't trust you behind a wheel.
greatnt249 0
Self-righteousness is not an effective way to win the heart of your crush...you deserved this.
abouttofly 12
#5, 6: Avoiding drinking when you're going to have to drive home is not "self-righteousness" or a "high horse", it's basic safety. OP: You made a good decision not to drink, and I hope your crush understands that.
gizmodorner 15
yes
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
texmas 0
You could have so easily played that off with, ""SEE? And I REALLY shouldn't be drinking if this is how I do sober." But you don't sound clever.
truelyajerk 0
Thats karma for being an ass hole, he was being nice and you freaking lectured him. Maybe some booze will help you drown your sorrow.