Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML
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Top comments
happy_ness 0
haha. apparently you don't need alcohol.
Locket_fml 0
#7 If you are driving, then don't drink. Obviously. However the OP was being self-righteous ("alcohol makes people stupid and crash their cars"). By all means make the choice not to drink, but when someone offers you a drink, thats all you need to say - "sorry, I don't drink". There is no need to act all high and mighty like you are somehow better for not drinking.
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Comments (96)
kwbuzz23wk 0
thats what you get for being a girl... cant drive anyways, get shwasted and have a sober dude drive you home. hope you are embarassed for talkin like you are better than ppl and then wrecking your car anyways
lifesabit 0
..... wait..... hold on? Drinking DOESN'T make people act stupider and crash their cars? And a sentence DOES count as a whole speech? Wow. Calm it down alcoholics.... :p.
jSOPURE 3
#20- How very true. I drink on occasion but it doesn't make me stupid.
amykillswitch 0
umm yeah karma got you on this one. he probably laughed his way back in to that party.
legendbyday 0
******* loser
hahawtfFUL 0
hahaha! you don't need alcohol to make you act stupid and crash cars you just do it on your own!! hahaha
roflmaonade 2
please don't go to a party and decline to drink, talkin bout some "makes people act stupid". if you didn't notice, drinking and being wild(ly stupid) is the pinnacle of most teen nighttime parties and if you're against drinking then don't go? simple.
whatever104 0
its really weird, i submitted a fml that was just like this, except i hit a tree after telling all the drunk people to be careful. i was sober.
thisismyname_fml 1
#8 and #23 said it best.
Amkii 0
Imagine how bad it would've been if you DID have alcohol!