Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML
Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML
Today, I was taking a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through my bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML
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Top comments
meliesFML 0
at least you survived the car ride :)
Shadow_Phantom 26
Dude... report him. For someone who's entire job is driving, he really should not be drinking.
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Comments (129)
flockz 20
ya your life is just so ******. get out and get another cab.
Jojo08_fml 0
hahaha yeah if the dumbass cab driver let's em out!
worldcupcheer17 0
what a dumbass.
gertyygirly 4
if you realized he was drunk, why not get out and report his ass? Don't let him drive you home, stupid!
yummycupkake 0
lemme guess..you decided to take a bus back home. and the bus driver was intoxicated too!
manzanita2121 6
This reminds me of Crazy Taxi.
simply_improper 1
he wasn't drunk, just criminally insane. SSI cutbacks to blame.
sourgirl101 29
I loved playing "Crazy Taxi"!!!(: OffSpring's "All I Want" was the background music!
manzanita2121 6
I still listen to them!! Today's music sucks.
iluvboobies 9
Report that bastard's sorry ass! Not only he's risking his own life, but the lives of innocent people (inside his cab, other cars, pedestrians).
iliveinthesky_fml 0
But you made it...
asaa1212 0
ya i know right
alphabetsoup1234 13
Agreed. Makes you wonder about people sometimes, does it not?
meliesFML 0
at least you survived the car ride :)
hilda_kitty 16
True that, 3.
DKjazz 20
How can you be so sure they survived? ?_ô
Docbee 11
How do you think they wrote this?
rattusrattus 19
There's a whole 'medium writes FMLs' business going on. :P Fairly lucrative, as long as you live in a country with an ectoplasm to legal tender exchange.
goshpeople 4
"Being safe ... we took a taxi back." Taking a cab doesn't mean you're safe. Just (probably) safer than driving drunk yourself -- under normal taxi circumstances, i.e. the driver NOT being intoxicated.
Sgt_M_G 0
I have to say most drunk drives live for some reason. it's like there jelly ^_^
jillianmathers12 13
its a joke
jillianmathers12 13
*35, It is a joke!
goshpeople 4
#72, it's actually an advantage in car accidents not to tense up and brace for impact, so drunk drivers, with their slower reaction times, tend to fare better.
kewlaidman10 15
lol that cab driver is a beast
WCARlover 35
that cab driver is an idiot, drunk driving is nothing to laugh about
Xaviour 0
unless you like Justin bieber, then please be my guest, drink and drive..
fymother 13
and your profile pic is incredibly offensive (yes, I'm Japanese)
TheHabeeb 2
what the **** dude how is that offensive, also how do u know that is Hiroshima or Nagasaki?
kewlaidman10 15
lol that cab driver is a beast
edogy 0
why post that 2 times?
krista2009 0
cause he obviously thinks drink driving is cool. they could of been seriously hurt
kkbabe01xo 0
Well since your posting this, that means you survived so yay!
RuCheezBurger 10
What a G
WCARlover 35
a G...IANT idiot
hjanelle14 2
f**k it #47 is right that's totally retarded to talk like that ur kinda a douche
peachesbeach 0
47 and 79 - caaaaalm down please :) take a joke lol
MzCherry29 0
Should have him playing Confessions of a Cabbie!! lmao
flockz 20
it was july 4th who can blame him?
awesomemarcus 0
it was in Canada dumb ass
hilda_kitty 16
19, many Canadians celebrate July 4th. I sometimes do for the hell of celebrating something.
flockz 20
oops sorry didn't notice. but thank you for being so irritated and distraught with my comment that u just got the urge to call me a dumbass. next time i'll be sure to check because damn you frighten me and i don't want this to happen again.
xXSillyLoveXx 0
19, I live in Vancouver, and the July 4th Firework Show was better than the Canada Day one.
LakersFanatiC 3
#28 epic reply LOL
skrillex99 0
yea it was in Canada, why the thumbs down people? they don't celebrate 4th of July in Canada!
juanaranda1015 4
#52- you obviously didn't read the posts of #26 and #46
scrapmetal58 9
I'm Canadian and have never celebrated Independence Day nor have I ever known any other Canadians to do so (minus the two above posters).
flockz 20
well 65 im American so i don't know but i imagine that you might se july 4th celebrated in Canadian cities closer to the border. idk how close you live to the border but you might not see it as much. for example i live in texas and alot of people here celebrate cinco de mayo which is the mexican independence, even though i have never been to mexico lol
Miss_Andi87 0
cinco de mayo is not Mexican independence day (that's in September, if I remember correctly) may 5th was the celebration of the mexicans victory over the French army in Puebla, Mexico in 1862
sxe_beast 11
Don't Canadians celebrate Canada Day on July 1st, which from what I can recall is fairly similar to our Independence Day (July 4th)? Don't the Canadians shoot of fireworks, have air shows, have parades, go to carnivals and all that fun stuff? This FML very well could have happened on the 1st.
flockz 20
74- u just proved how often i stay awake in history lol and to all u die hard canadians who are baffled that anyone from your country would celebrate the 4th of july im sorry again for not noticing where op was from.
cc_the_beast 6
They're still relaxed on impact generally. Babies tend to fare better in similar cases of trauma also for the same reason.
scrapmetal58 9
Yes sir, it's Canada Day on July 1st. It celebrates confederation (we became a country). I live very close to the border actually. I won't say where due to my staplers. I suppose if July 4th fell on a weekend some Canadians might use that as an excuse to celebrate something (the War of 1812 perhaps haha).
day2hi 8
You're right. I'm Canadian and all of my Canadian friends celebrate July 4th so do our communities.
RhynoBruZ 0
who the **** wudnt be scared, he got batman and robin on his pic!
choose8 0
Why didn't you just wait for another cab?