Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I took a cab ride home from a bar. After a few minutes of horrible driving, I felt sick. The cab driver got so mad she locked me in the car and started driving me to the cops unless I payed her extra. Basically, I paid $120 for a five-minute cab ride. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML
Today, I was taking a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through my bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML
Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML
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Top comments
hotPinklipstick 24
I'm sure this is the epitome of FML. Sorry OP, at least you were trying to be responsible.
Harpy20 24
Screaming 'rape' usually stops all action.
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Comments (118)
jeebuslovesyou 2
Firstfag denied
Sl1mShad3y 10
Damn bro. That's a big legal mess. Just walk next time lol.
Oasispetro1 4
Beat their asses pussy
qwillis98 20
Lol you followed me on twitter for a while
blcksocks 19
Unless OP doesn't live in a walkable distance. I would hate to lose my buzz by walking a few miles :)
Lucia_Malpense 14
OP probably needed the buzz after seeing his sister pole dancing.
unjustlychicken 10
Wrong FML
lilhellian 27
42 It's called referencing. People do it to help make their comments funnier, and give a slight laugh at the other Fml as well.
gracehi 33
Guys, be nice to 42, or when he evolves he'll kill us all!
CallMeMcFeelii 14
If he would have have walked it would have been considered drunk in public. I think taking a cab was his only option without getting arrested. At least he didn't drive home.
Carmstro 13
Walking can be dangerous too, depending on the level of drunkenness. When you drive drunk, you're a hazard to everyone around you, when you walk drunk, everything else is a hazard to you. :p
lilhellian 27
49 **** that, I've got a level 99 Lugia. Gameshark for the win.
SDTD10 5
Um 51 did you even read the FML he did end up getting arrested
kearsleyz 10
Yah he will just be thrown in the drunk tank and maybe charged with a misdemeanor, if he drove and got a dui hes in waaaay deeper shit
pickles1994 18
60- Just. No. Go back and reread his comment.
sheethapins 13
If he walked there would still have been a risk of getting arrested. It's called public intoxication.
lilhellian 27
Am I the only one wondering why the police ask the cabbie? He/she was a witness to it!
jasdanu 12
Haha nice cross FML reference.
lilhellian 27
Havn't asked** I ******* hate myself at times. My brains reads it faster then I type it. Sorry everyone.
unknown_user5566 27
79- Er, haven't* actually. Haha.
lilhellian 27
Kleekay since Icastillo hired a English professor, can I hire you?:)
unknown_user5566 27
Depends on the salary, I suppose. :)
lilhellian 27
what would you like it to be?
pipinya 8
2 - ah, yes, of course, cause that wouldn't have happened if OP had walked.
pipinya 8
83 - AN* English professor
unknown_user5566 27
89- Your soul. Ok, I'm no good at being evil. 32k/yr? :P
broseph_joseph 5
Just goes to show ya, being responsible never leads to anything good.
sens3sfailing 25
I am kyleekay's temporary lawyer. She wants to know what benefits she will be receiving.
ryry013 6
Wrong comment. In this case, you didn't reply to anything at all. Also, he meant to reference the other FML.
Cleo88 6
That sucks, and they probably didnt listen when you tried to explain either
HairyPunisher 27
What's to explain? He called the cab. He got in first. The other guys were assholes.
ilovebacteria 6
Do u venus your gillette? :)
hotPinklipstick 24
I'm sure this is the epitome of FML. Sorry OP, at least you were trying to be responsible.
happle 21
I really don't understand why they felt the need to beat up OP. :(
evanohevan 5
it is very unfortunate. I truely feel for OP
iarefatal 9
Because the other drunks wanted a ride home, it's like a "who is willing to brawl to be responsible" fight. Odd isn't it
Misswildsides 22
I may be mistaken, but don't they have security cameras in taxis? For reasons like this? Excuse me if I'm wrong, I've never been in a taxi.
Harpy20 24
Screaming 'rape' usually stops all action.
SystemofaBlink41 27
I'm gonna use that from now on...
ICastillo 25
Old Lady: Can you help m...... #23: "HELP...RAPE!!!" Old Lady: *wobbles away freaked out* #23: Shit... It actually worked...
desoto96 9
Actually screaming rape has almost no effect. Scream fire. ( I live with a bunch of cops)
TattooedChick21 4
That's not something to joke about..
tehcyberman 9
57- Do you know what site you're on? EVERYTHING is something to joke about.
Harpy20 24
Well if a male voice screams 'rape' in a crowd of dudes, everything will stop. With that much testosterone around, no guy wants to be accused of raping another dude.
desoto96 9
I'm pretty sure that's a cool thing to do in prison. So no, not so much.
ClassyCommando 13
"Good morning sir, do you have a minute to talk about the Jehovah's Wi-" "-RAAAAPE!!!!"
doodlecloud 27
57 -vRape isn't really something to joke about but if used in this instance it wouldn't be a 'joke' like some tweens shouting it for lols at a mall, it would be a legitimate self-defence strategy. There is a difference.
vuragado 10
Well, that escalatad quickly!
P374RD3D 9
*Boy, that *escalated quickly.
CaptTeemo 10
Heheh, I need to go eat. I read that as "escalad" and now I want a salad.
xDMACx12 7
33- Don't know if I've said this yet. **** you Teemo t(-_-t).
vuragado 10
Ah damn it. Didn't mean to mess up my word :/
soad2014 7
Stay classy in your glass case of emotion until you learn not to overuse that phrase
vuragado 10
Bows. Ok
Ohreo 2
How could anyone say YDI? OP didnt do anything to deserve that.
Pentium_4 27
especially after deciding to not drive drunk
DontThumbMeDown 8
Where have you been? ^ :)
P374RD3D 9
There are plenty of people who vote YDI just to troll. Isn't it hilarious?
LiterOfCola 16
I think there are people who immediately think "YDI" when they see the word "drinking" sometimes. It's sad
onlychildFTW 34
OP did everything right. Poor OP. :(
hannaaaahr 33
same with smoking, even if the fml would be: 'today, while I was smoking, someone jumped up and killed my dog' people would vote ydi because, apparently, doing something that's bad for your health should be rewarded with a dead dog.
CharresBarkrey 16
15 - How do you ever get thumbs up with that username and display picture? That's incredibly obnoxious.
unknown_user5566 27
103- Because thumbs should be given based on comment content, not usernames & profile pictures.
TacoTrop 10
117- Well you live in a world of lies.
andrew6p 19
Getting drunk is fun but not when it makes you lose control! Good luck op
MatteKudasai 17
What? OP didn't lose control. Unless you were talking about the guys who beat him up.
andrew6p 19
Of course im talking about the guys who beat him up
iseyixes 18
Uh maybe you should've called a friend.
BulldogHoops 14
At least you have the peace of mind that you did the right thing by calling a cab. Good luck getting out of your legal pile of shit.