Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML
Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, my boyfriend didn't come home from a night of drinking with the boys again, so I told him that I was packing my things and I wouldn't be here when he came home. After all my things were packed, I realized he drove my car to the bar. FML
Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
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Top comments
bigdog57_fml 9
Why did he have the keys if you were the DD?
yoursucklives 36
should have taken the keys before letting your brother get drunk and have bad ideas.
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Comments (64)
Mipiatoz 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This made me giggle ^_^
Il_Maestro 6
Your word choice here (giggle) reminds me of Anderson Cooper's laugh.
cayytee 0
when you see him again ask him how that gay man he went off with is..
Mipiatoz 6
I thought FMLs were supposed to make you laugh. Sure I feel bad for OP, but honestly. This made me giggle.
JoshTheMaggot 8
I haven't heard someone say giggle in a long time, it made me giggle. As for OP if they were your keys why did your brother have them? Especially since he was the one drinking.
stevenJB 25
So...a drunk outsmarted you n took your keys, eh?
alexup24 13
Yes. I can read too, its fun isn't it?
NeatNit 33
What the ****... Why did you let him go without you?
yoursucklives 36
should have taken the keys before letting your brother get drunk and have bad ideas.
Jayrs93 11
Yah so true lol
kayla_ann0o 9
Time to get drunk.
MonsterCommenter 4
So at least if you drank, you couldn't drive. There's always a positive to a negative.
happle 21
What? OP was the designated driver and did not drink.
KiwiKitten 2
Oh, the wonders of alcohol.
emeraldisle 30
From personal experience, never volunteer to be a sibling's DD.
Indigo14 6
You were too busy oogling the bartender to notice him taking your keys and leaving weren't you? ;)
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Better get drunk, than.
jackassiddy 8
Than what? THAN WHAT?!
white16sox 19
The suspense is killing me.
thatoneguy79 10
Than get left behind at the bar with no ride and miss your own wedding?
bigdog57_fml 9
Why did he have the keys if you were the DD?
akito11 5
The world may never know...
thatoneguy79 10
Rumor has it OP's brother is a ninja. But we haven't seen him around the office to know for certain.
oicu812xD 16
I was wondering the same thing. If op was planning on being DD in the first place the sibling should have never had the keys. You kind of deserve this op...
chick92282 15
If OP is a woman, it's possible that she had her brother hold her keys so that she didn't have to take her pocketbook into the bar and/or mess up the lines of her clothes by putting them in her pocket. One doesn't usually expect one's brother to pull such an asinine move.