Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
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Top comments
Rellich 0
I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...
smiller0789 3
******...up
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Comments (195)
smiller0789 3
******...up
purplekites 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
thats what you get when you hate in new moon! hahaha!
Draq 1
At least getting your beard set on fire is exciting.
k43L1 0
#1 said it all. this is so messed up, I don't know how it could even happen.
greenltrn2003 0
#50 you clearly meant on...Im not the type to troll on grammer but... ******* Twilight fans
ohmygoodnex 0
#50 is a ******* failure.
go_fuck_yourself 0
#1 THerEs A REaSon FOr WHy THis SIte Is cALlEd FMl? And Thts Wht yU GEt FOr Nt LiKEing NEw Moon
No_Heart 0
I can't tell if 121 is pretending to be or if she really is retarded.
Grndslmhttr3 0
@110: At least spell "grammar" correctly if you're going to be critical of someone else's grammar.
dawny1090 0
That's what happens when you get around ******* crazy ass Twilight fans
sharon_ellj 0
#121 Freaking retard! Only dumb freshmans type like that. It gets so annoying and it IS NOT COOL!
Eric123456789000 0
I hate you and anyone else who types like you. go die.
iBiteRoses 22
LOL you troll you, you said "grammer" were you trying to make a point? Because they're suffering enough being Twatlight fans...
Rellich 0
I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...
munim 0
wait what? your date burnt your beard?
InstraClassic 0
What the fuuuuck?
cuteguyoO 0
Edward - 1 You - 0
SexyAnonOnTumblr 12
yes ?
FireFlie07 20
You didn't leave the theatre after some crazy bitch set your beard on fire?!?!?! YDI
catatonicsleep 17
i think he meant that she burned his beard after the movie
farflungfloyd 0
Oh my god. I'm so confused.
crazyarsedfly 14
I reallly hope that the burning incident happened AFTER the movie, otherwise why the hell did you not leave?! But seriously.. thats messed up.. she needs help.
LEPOfficer 0
Can you just imagine being an onlooker to this FML? Suddenly a big burly man with a flaming lumberjack beard runs by flailing his arms and screaming. Of course I'm estimating the size of the man, beard, and reaction, but it'd make the story all the more exciting.
GodOfBeer 5
followed by a short thin emo girl, dressed in pink, with a mad look in her eyes loool
DoomJeff91 2
And Morgan Freeman narrating the whole thing.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
...Jager.
Reyo 2
like a Twinkie...like a Twinkie...
yousodi 10
Loooool
Peroxide 3
Setting your beard on fire-thats a deal breaker right there Although this does give me an idea. I grew a mo for movember. Perhaps burning it off will be more fun than shaving. I'll let you know how the third degree burns go.