Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML
Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML
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Top comments
llamafish 25
Plot twist: it's actually her father.
skellingtonfart 18
Sharing is caring.
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Comments (123)
skellingtonfart 18
Sharing is caring.
mfazi456 7
Or bacon. If you touch my bacon I will bite your ******* hand.
Enslaved 38
What if it was leftover spaghetti "carbonara" with lots and lots of bacon added? Would you have bitten that homeless guy's fingers?
rivaraven 35
#27, please don't confuse hands with bacon.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
How do you get Sexually Transmitted Diseases from eating pasta???
X_Codes 11
@101 - That "whoosh" you heard was the sound of the joke going over your head.
K410 18
I woulda beat the shit out of anybody that messes with my car especially if it's some homeless loser
llamafish 25
Plot twist: it's actually her father.
newbiehere99 6
That's hot.
Inheritance 10
I wonder if the pasta was good.
AcieMcG 21
What a twist!
Idaho4177 4
That's an old FML reference right?
Obey_StudBoii 23
#2 Plot twist she finds out it's her Dad; whom is actually her long lost grandpa
noelykins1 19
That happened on Saved by the Bell Christmas episode! I love it!
mduffy08 8
68 - So granddaddy went in back in time, made out with granny. Then he went forward to make out with granny's daughter resulting in OP? Dear god doc, what have you done!?
Nath1G 4
I can't believe he didn't use cutlery.. The nerve of the man!
gc327072 31
But at least it wasn't Dirty Mike & the boys.
angylbane 3
Personally, I think OP should have been kind enough to offer cutlery. Just because he's homeless doesn't mean he's a savage, sir!
Elegance 7
Well, pasta isn't as good the next day anyway.
sirpantselot 22
Wrong!! So wrong.
ShyAnn29 15
I have to agree with 10, sometimes it's better the next day!
Nightwing98 22
It wasn't the next day though.
Stalkerloo 11
I have to agree with 4, leftover pasta is one of the few things that is hard for me to eat. It always feels even mushier.
stopthestupid 5
fry it instead of microwaving it.
nnnope 26
Am I the only one who's wondering why hobo Joe stayed inside the car?
mahli08 6
Probably because its warmer than sitting in the snow
nnnope 26
I must've missed the part of the FML that mentioned snow being present. Also, even then, a car that has not been on for 1.5 - 2 hours (the length of a movie) is still gonna be pretty damn cold.
mahli08 6
Its winter in america so i was assuming it would be cold. Yeh ok maybe it's not snowing where ever OP is from but it is definitely always warmer in a car than outside of the car regardless of how long it has been turned off
nnnope 26
Tell that to people with leather seats/interiors...lol. I see your point though.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
But he broke the window, so wouldn't the heat be going out anyway...?
MuldRAR 6
What was with the random pasta in your car?
Elegance 7
They went to dinner. That was their leftovers.
MuldRAR 6
Maybe it's just me that thinks pasta isn't worth taking in a doggy bag...
XKXKKXK 10
Did you read the FML..?
TechFire 25
Yes, it's just you. Why do you even feel that way?
gatlin247 1
37 why get on this anyway?
ScotsLassie 6
Why is it the norm to take leftovers in America? We would never do that in Scotland.
awkwardpenguin1 3
We don't want to waste good food... It's good for lunch the next day
colinxmac 4
'murrcaaa
MuldRAR 6
Same in England... Over here you get portions that aren't big enough you can't finish them in one serving.
bwzwally8 15
You two should have joined him... Or or just called the cops.
lilhellian 27
He would have eaten better in jail than on the streets.. Fresh-ish food vs cold left overs..
rachelita2107 5
From what i have heard of jail food id rather eat cold leftovers
bigtaytay 13
At least the rest of the date was good
chocolateisyum 12
I hope the pasta was at least spaghetti. Everyone loves spaghetti. You could have asked him to share!
AnyaS 19
Luigi: I hope she made lots of spaghetti!
simoncat 11
No. No. No. That's "everybody loves parfaits" not spaghetti.
GSpotMach 8
As much as this probably sucked to experience, I can't help but feel horrible. That homeless guy was probably just really hungry and desperate. :/
onlychildFTW 34
But now OP has a car with a broken window, no leftovers for tomorrow. And I bet that car will smell bad for awhile. Homeless people have a tendency to smell horrible. OP, haven't you heard of never leaving things in the open where people can see it? Compartments are your best friends!
kAPISH 29
86- The guy is starving, people around the world are starving. And you worry about a window and the smell of your car. Haha, wow, that's really sad.
roachyroo 5
I had my car broken into so some douche nozzles could throw my c.d's. Around. If it were an homeless man who needed food it would be a different matter.
possiblyapotato 10
u da MVP ;3