Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
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Top comments
Rellich 0
I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...
smiller0789 3
******...up
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Comments (195)
magenkyo 0
psycho bitch. shouldve done a flamming amazon on her after the movie
Melly18 0
New Moon's ******* awesome and the acting's great!
phatdaddy 0
"Nude Moon" had better acting. What the hell were YOU watching?
Andr3wAxel 0
YDI.... for not having basic English skills
Sybe 0
Psycho bitch or what? This is proof that some women need a good kick in the **** sometimes to keep them operating properly.
jms08 0
YDI for bashing New Moon... Gah, I want me some Jacob!!! :D
weezershashpipe 0
critisizing new moon came out of nowhere
phatdaddy 0
No, it came from the fact that New Moon sucks.
cooperisacat 0
YDI for going to a Twighlight movie with her, if you hated the first one, you would hate this one, and you'll hate it next year when the last one comes out.
ksmiley 0
Your date sounds like a pirate : )
ithatguy 0
because ninjas are just awesome
rosemary_fml 5
ydi for growing a beard you monkey.
Drayon 0
Hey, Screw you. Beards are awesome.
pshnoway 0
It should have just been Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." FML. YDI for agreeing to see a Twilight movie.
phatdaddy 0
lol. WIN!!
Taurus_ChicKa 37
How do you know OP didn't pick the movie just to be nice or impress the girl? You're assuming she picked it because she's the chick.