Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, sun was shining and I felt confident enough to go sunbathing at the beach. In only my bikini and towel, I laid out to get some sun. A while later, a little girl came up to me and said, "Aren't you embarrassed that you're so huge?" FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
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Top comments
caitiebug1119 15
Your life sucks, but I gotta ask: did you not feel a breeze or something down there?
flashback.miss 28
Parents jumping to conclusions, @@ but yeah, 1 has a point, didn't you feel a draft or was it warm at the pool? Hopefully you explained and things worked out okay. Just take a lesson to double check your clothes next time. :)
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Comments (112)
caitiebug1119 15
Your life sucks, but I gotta ask: did you not feel a breeze or something down there?
rememberkids 14
As a man I can tell u, if ur legs are closed....no.
TheElBurrrito 21
He has a "hole" in his pants. He just happened to rip a hole in them from having an erection from all this little boys.
erikav9669 11
It's summer. How the hell are you guna feel a breeze?
then000bster 16
Has no one notices why this is truly an fml? The dude was TANNING!!! I don't know of any guy friends that seriously tan unless their girlfriend is next to them or they aren't really men.
vehementbitch 4
The question is why was he wearring pants while tanning?...
RedPillSucks 33
Why did he not have underwear?
assassinbanana0 20
Who wears underwear while at a pool? That's what bathing suits are for.. And the reason he had pants on is because he was in a PUBLIC pool
vehementbitch 4
101- but thats what swim trunks are for. Do they not make those anymore?
flashback.miss 28
Parents jumping to conclusions, @@ but yeah, 1 has a point, didn't you feel a draft or was it warm at the pool? Hopefully you explained and things worked out okay. Just take a lesson to double check your clothes next time. :)
SWC_Penguin 17
Jumping to conclusions? Her conclusion was that his penis was out! Or are you saying that it's somehow better for children to see an accidental penis over an intentional one? I'd think they'd look the same.
AestheticGuy 21
@50 Is it really that horrendous? Kids seeing a part of the human anatomy? "Oh no, not seeing a part of our own HUMAN BODY!! WHAT A TERROR!! Parents need to grow the **** up. I love how to expect their 'darling angel' teens to be frolicking about in daisy fields, when really they're masturbating, experimenting and watching **** every chance they get.
SWC_Penguin 17
I didn't say it was horrendous, 68. Now you're the one jumping to conclusions.
Eorlas 31
She was jumping to the conclusion that because his penis was out, he must be a pervert.
AestheticGuy 21
Conservative parents are pathetic these days. We must be the only animals on earth to be shocked at our own anatomy. "Oh NO, not our own HUMAN BODY!! OH MAH GOD, PERRVERT!! CALL THE POHLEECE NAO!" Shutup pathetic woman.
assassinbanana0 20
Why would you wear those pants if they had a hole in them??? If you had no idea about the hole, then my apologies
MsConfusedd 27
Obviously he didn't realize there was a hole (unless op truly is a pervert) or else he most likely would've chosen a different pair
assassinbanana0 20
That's why I apologized ahead of time in case he had no idea. But alright. My mistake
NeatNit 33
If you realized mid-post that you were wrong then DON'T POST IT
assassinbanana0 20
Because i don't know if I'm wrong or not. There is a possibility that OP, like many people, would still wear the clothes even if there are holes in it, and it could have either stretched or maybe was positioned just right that his dick would pop out a bit Or there is the other possibility that he had no idea about the hole
ZeroPath5 16
You don't wear clothes when you know they have a hole in it unless they're jeans, and even I don't do that...it's safe to say and more likely he didn't know...
assassinbanana0 20
Alright alright. I take fault for my stupid comment. You win some and you lose some.
missyoumorexo12 4
i completely agree! i wear clothes with holes in them all the time.
isallwaysme 27
i hate it when that happens.
zandalee 20
Bloody penises these days, developing a mind of their own... Penis with an agenda.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Yeah, I know what you mean. My penis always manages to get in the way.
False_Stupidity 42
Hey, it wanted a tan too!
RedPillSucks 33
Bloody penis? *cringes*
beehardxcore 26
Pool time peep show! Thank god no one called the cops or anything.
DocBastard 40
Enjoy your skin cancer, pervert. I kid, I kid! Not really.
Wizardo 34
We can only hope he got sunburn on his head... and not the one on top if you know what I mean.
Smoldering 15
I totally just read that in Dr. Zoidburg's voice anyone else?
MsConfusedd 27
How do you not notice that? If it was a large enough hole for your penis, it either should've been obvious or you may want to click that sketchy add on the side of a **** site and "Grow 6 iches!"
cicora 10
Small objects dont need as big of a hole
ishah 9
Don't wear pants with holes in them. Problem solved.
perdix 31
#8, then how do you put your legs through them?
rg350dx 29
#8 wears a onesie to the pool.
strapper88 6
And here I was thinking I was the only one that went swimming in a onesie.
False_Stupidity 42
Onesie makes it a little hard to tan though.
MEM0817 18
"Put the mouse back in the house... This is a family place!" Someone has to know where that's from...
roro_superloser 13
F.r.i.e.n.d.s for sure! Haha where was Gunther when u needed him
MEM0817 18
Yay I knew someone would get it! :]
ZeroPath5 16
I was actually thinking of a different reference, Spongebob, when Patrick went tanning "Dude, put that thing away, there are like, children here!"
hunteryager 18
Just imagine the tan line you could get there!