Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Rellich 0
I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...
smiller0789 3
******...up
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (195)
missMya 0
I agree, Twilight sucks.
mylifecanbeshit 0
What a load of bull shit, asif that happened.. if it did why the hell did you stay with her? any normal decent man would leave !
THISISWHATIWNADO 0
You should of known better twilight bitches are ******* crazy. they live in a dream world all day long.
Tunstall1 0
I'm clicking YDI 'cause New Moons fisken' awesoem!
movies12 0
Am I the only one that thinks Robert Pattinson AKA Edward Cullen, is hot? ya Taylor Lautner is hot, but he's soo young. I don't know... I like Edward! :-D
LlamaAlana 6
Wow, that really sucks, as did the movie. I agree. FYL haha.
Runchrisrun 0
I'm sorry dude. FYL Twighlight girls are freaks. Avoid them.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I take offense to that. I'm a big fan of Twilight but I'm not a freak. For instance, I've read the books twice in total and I refuse to see any of the movies on opening day or even opening week because I know the place will be packed with the kind of fans that give all of us a bad name (meaning the immature teenie boppers). I'm also not a 50-year-old woman who has Twilight-themed tattoos all over the back of her body (and yes, there is a woman that's done that, and she also gives us "normal" fans a bad name). I'm tired of all the Twilight hate and Harry Potter worship. Twilight is a far superior series because it's actually original. HP is so predictable - boy from crappy home finds out he's special in some way, leaves home for some grand place, makes both friends and enemies, etc. Twilight is unique, and yes I'm talking about the sparkles, but also because the werewolves are HUGE when they transform and you don't have to use the sun, a stake, garlic, etc. to kill a vampire. Sheesh.
sarah2144 14
I really hate how Twitards give all teenage girls a bad name. I have, admittedly, read the books. But I hated them. Today, I took my copy of Breaking Dawn, wrote "And then Buffy staked Edward" on the last page, above where it says "The End", and sold the entire series to Half-Price Books. :D So yeah. Some teenage girls are actually sane. Not all of them will light your beard on fire, OP. She had that coming when she took your hat anyway.
inlovex0x0 0
you people need to get over the Twilight series .. if you dont like it then so be it .. gosh .. dont catch a titty attack ... and i wudaa hurt the b*tch.
jelojuice 0
b*tchz be crazy!!! jk but that really sux... FYL