Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
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Top comments
Rellich 0
I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...
smiller0789 3
******...up
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Comments (195)
f_me247 0
SOUNDS FAKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emperor_Jim 0
You're old enough to have a beard, and yet, you're going on a date with a girl so young that she wants to see "New Moon". The only logical conclusion is that you're a pedophile. I'm calling the cops.
ithatguy 0
originally we were going to see "old dogs" but we didn't get there till after it started (her fault) and so new moon was the next available movie.
lifeinhd 3
You got BURNED... Crap, that sounded better in my head.
citrusjuice 0
Are you stupid? You can blow out a lighter then you wouldn't be without a beard now would you?
N0vemberaccou_19 4
I'm sorry your first date in a while went badly. However, did she mean to burn you? From the stealing the hat, stealing the phone, it sounds like you guys were messing around, kind of having fun, and she thought it would be funny to pretend to threaten you, and ended up taking it WAY too far. Although pulling out the lighter in the first place would probably have been taking messing around way too far even if she hadn't actually burned you. If she hurt you on purpose, then wow, shes a bitch. Anyways, again, sorry your date sucked.
quirinus 0
YDI for having a beard
MochiHoshi 0
Totally deserved. A girl who likes New Moon is bound to be ******* psycho. XD
PaulWeller 0
Yesterday, I went to see New Moon with a girl I really like. She had me pay for it, then hated it and left. Then went to go **** some dude and called me the morning after to tell me all about it. I think she thinks I'm gay. FML.
_adrenaline 0
YDI for saying New Moon was horrible acting, you beardless POS....
leyash 0
New moon is terrible acting.
Thecommish 0
at least u know she's a psycho now. can u play the guilt card?