Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
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Top comments
Rellich 0
I want to say, "YDI," but no one deserves a psycho bitch like that...
smiller0789 3
******...up
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Comments (195)
Nomad609 0
This has got to be the most ridiculous FML ever. First off, she stole ur hat of all things?? surry but I can't stop laughing ;)) and why were you wearing a hat on a date Did she steal it inside the movie theater and tried to get away? was her cellphone out in the open for you to just grab it? LMAO A commotion like this would have gotten you guys kicked out already.. and who the hell threatens somebody with a lighter?!? HA HA HA you could just blow the light out and its all over!! ROFL I'm sorry but this story is hilarious =))
nomadxx7 0
All it takes is a thumb flick to relight it.... Plus do you realize how quickly and flammable hair is? I mean it doesn't even seem like it takes direct contact to burn it. I've burned my knuckle hair lighting a cigarette before and the lighter wasn't is on for that long.
your_face 15
I used to steal people's hats all the time. And he didn't say they were inside - maybe they had left the theater and it was, I don't know, COLD, so he put on a hat to keep warm. It is December.
GreenRupee 0
YDI for dating a Twilight-girly!
nypd613 0
your beard on fire?? where are you from, Amish town? and anyway, after seeing twilight, WHO with good taste would even WANT to see the sequel? I seriously don't understand what all the hype is about. if Robert pattinson was good looking, there'd be something to talk about
blastvortex 4
YDI for going to a Twilight movie, YDI for stealing her stuff, and last but not least, YDI for not ditching her after she swiped your hat.
VeoV 0
YDI for trying to date a 12 year old.
VeoV 0
YDI for trying to date a 12 year old.
sdcrazy1018 0
Either she has really bad depth perception or you have an abnormally long beard
hauptubel 0
If you can grow a beard, then you are too old to be seeing Twilight movies.
Kylias 6
If you are old enough to grow hair, you are too human to go see the Twilight movies.
bcopeland 0
WTF?
VereorTenebrae 0
Never should of gone with a girl who likes Twilight ~_^
phatdaddy 0
*should HAVE* retard.