Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
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Top comments
barrelroll1472 0
Dracula?
nicknesser 0
I knew Twilight was a problem, just didn't know it was this serious. We're all screwed.
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Comments (159)
xGet_Over_It 0
oh noes your life is ovet
xGet_Over_It 0
over* :)
mattman1994 0
did your mom have her rabies shots yet?
TheAwesomeMarchi 0
**** you cum shot
emmaleeislamee 0
You should have said, "mom! None of this kinky stuff in front of my friends! Save it for the bedroom." and winked at your friends.
mona_is_here 10
I wonder what kind of pills your mum takes.. They must be fun! jk (:
misfitSuperStar 0
Your mom really bites, op!!! baahaahaha
RokstaRx88 0
oh shit I'm from Maryland too I was there your mom is hott she can bite me
nicknesser 0
I knew Twilight was a problem, just didn't know it was this serious. We're all screwed.
dmin67 0
bite her ass back!!!
Palmless 0
All the while my friend's were over? Uhm. Maybe I don't know my English too well, but that makes no sense.
2kool4skoolyo 0
ARE YOU GONNA TURN INTO VAMPIRE LIKE EDWARD CULLEN AND MARRY HIM AND GLITTER AND HAVE GOLD EYES I AM JEALOUS
Blue_Coconuts 7
I doubt she even knew what she was doing. My girlfriend tells me all sorts of weird shit I did when I'm on my ambien, probably about the same.
kinukle 0
that's so hawt...
Prototype12 0
turtles!
DarkHelmet 10
Epic Win for ur friends if ur Moms a MILF!! and is it just me or is #13 like SMOKIN HOT!!!
MyNameIsInvictus 0
What's your problem, OP? How do you think you were conceived?
2kool4skoolyo 0
my comment was moderated because I wrote in caps? I didn't know that was a rule... I write it again. Are you gonna turn into a vampire like Edward Cullen and have golden eyes and sparkle?!? I am so jealous...(Without caps it loses it impact:( )
nishant5456 0
it could have been worse, she coulda done more than just bite you. :)
lalala2012 2
yeah ^^ she could have blown/licked u ( is OP guy or girl?)
legonut4 0
it's funny because your friends saw your mom nude you just better hope she want nice and moist
okieraider71 4
Drug addiction is killing the American family. Get her into help or get away.
BoyFromTheFuture 0
Don't worry your friends are into cougs. especially ones that bite.
MrsxBillxKaulitz 5
that's sexy. did you get turned on?
ninjacapo 2
13. i know i gotta get me some of them
Mumbellosity711 0
RokstaRx...no. legit
the_flirtt 0
haha your mom sounds fun to party with ;)
misfitSuperStar 0
FreshPie, you're stories WERE amusing. Now they just keep getting longer & it's annoying as hades!!!!
JustJess666 0
don't feel bad op my mom used to do that too before she died. she was a heavy drug addict and it's really sad when that happens. I'm sorry that you had that happen to you i can feel your pain.
hooks32 0
hilarious
alien491 0
ydi for posting bullshit
brownboxes 0
She'll probably be well more embarrassed when she realises what she's done
Brittney_E 0
i like FreshPie's stories, though that one made no sense to me.
lurchin_10 0
damn! im down, hit me up next time your mom takes some of those pills
afdude87 6
damn I've seen people do some funny shit messed up on pills but that's pretty damn hilarious. fyl lol
the_hawk 0
that's hot
joooeee 3
77. you basically say "don't feel bad, my mom died from it." that must be really encouraging to the op lolz.
JustJess666 0
actually he didn't die from the pills she was already told that she was gonna die from hep. c and drinking. she opted to stay ****** up while she was still alive and it sucked cuz I had to play mom. it's not okay I was just saying that op isn't alone.
JustJess666 0
*she my bad... damn Iphone
FYLDUDEE 3
FreshPie rules:p
milo2113 0
stfu dumb bitch ohh and your fat and ugly and you should change your picture to one where you dont look like a self centered prostitute ohhhh waaaait, you are one!
treesdevin 0
lmao....momma bear was highh as **** 8)
foxxxybabe21 0
damn!!!!
ktiminski 2
completely agreed. ******* Edward.. :/
seyi4eva 0
ohhh!
misfitSuperStar 0
Holy hell, batman!!! sooo humiliating. fyl hard!!
lilweapon 0
ill have what shes having
IPityTheFool 0
Atleast you and your friends didn't get boners that'd be a fyl
phatdaddy62 23
who said no boners? who said no surprise buttsex?
lette4life959 10
BAAATTHHHHSAAAALLLTTTSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
barrelroll1472 0
Dracula?
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Dracula: milf **** version
Josk95 0
lol why would she do that? is she a vampire?
emmaleeislamee 0
hahaha! Nice mom you have there. :b
joramge 0
its funny because no one has reposted the fml yet...
im_awsome 2
lol she has alot of bitting problems
carly426 0
and youu guys stayed in the house? uhh wow. you and your friends couldve just went in your room and locked the door or so something.
SaintE_fml 0
for real sounds a little hinky
Rawr_Doodle 0
hinky?
bigbadtim 7
LOL The dangers of O.D.ing are endless.
deebo77 0
I bet your friends are traumatized for life. unless your mom is a MILF
Ludii_fml 0
long live american pieeeee