Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died, but I thought for a few seconds that the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML
Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML
Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML
Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, I stopped using porn by blocking it on my phone and laptop. Only problem is I still get off without it. FML
Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML
Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
It gets easier and more morally desensitising after a few faps. Just wear a tin foil hat on both heads.
booze_n_bitches 37
I normally just hire a few exotic dancers to come over every time I wank. Or ask them to come up from the basement for ten minutes. Less of this "technology" malarkey.
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Comments (70)
SBurrke 11
What kind of **** are you watching that makes you fear the gov is gonna arrest you?
smoothies14 32
Perhaps you feel some guilt for indulging in something you feel is wrong?
moo77_fml 20
Stupid people shouldn't watch **** ... Period ... Or have sex because you increase the stupid race .. We just don't need that shinzzle lol
heartofhannah 28
We also don't need people that say "shinizzle" but here you are
alex_gen 39
Well, your data was sent to the NSA; so the government did somewhat find you out.
MrKento11 12
You might feel paranoid cause in reality watching **** is wrong. Dont get me wrong, I endorse people to **********. But **** does give people a wrong idea about sexuality. So keep on masturbating people, but please stop watching ****.
phreaker913 21
the wrong idea about sexuality? you mean that there is nothing wrong with being open about sex? seriously. people have such an issue with sex. its a natural thing that should not be shamed
sstahpp 33
I have no problem with ****..but I don't think young people and/or virgins should watch it, because that's not what real sex is. Their first impression will be something fake and they're setting themselves up to be let down.
phreaker913 21
they DO know. they watch everything we send and recieve. in fact nsa agents have copies saved of alot of the nude selfies sent by people around the world. bot just usa
calza13 14
What were you watching that the government would have been a concern...?
worldclassrager 41
If the government found out why would that matter unless your under 18 but that's irrelevant
Eivana 37
What kind of **** were you watching that would make you concerned about the government finding out?
Kitty_Kat16 16
if you were like high i could see you making that mistake