Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I set up an office laptop remotely from home. My own laptop screen sat next to that laptop screen. I wanted to wank so opened some porn on my own screen. Then my boss called and said, "There's smut playing on this laptop." Wrong screen, and my work PC was in console mode, so people had gathered to watch. FML
Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation at work but accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. I tried to dry it off, but it wouldn't turn on. I had to give the presentation awkwardly using my phone and everyone took the piss out of me and my shoddy performance. FML
Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML
Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML
Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML
Today, it was my first day of work at a very high end company. While delivering coffee to my boss, I set it down on the edge of a magazine, where it spilled over, into his crotch. FML
Today, I attended a virtual meeting. When I went to grab a coffee during a break, for some reason took my laptop with me, got distracted by my cat taking a stinky dump, so my coworkers got an unplanned tour of his litter box while I scooped it all up. FML
Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML
Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sonicmega 3
Well, that sucks. And blows. And swallows.
XaosZaleski 0
So...instead of plugging in your laptop last night, you decided to polish your knob off and head to bed? If you knew you needed your laptop for work, you should probably charge it the night before. ****. I hope stupidity isn't contagious.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
smith314 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
explain?
narks 0
this happens on my ipod touch all the time LOL
blinkingstarlet 15
Explain what, exactly? lol...
HairyPunisher 27
This is so specific I can't see how this needs explaining.
blakehilli8 0
second wooooooohhhhooooooo
sonicmega 3
Well, that sucks. And blows. And swallows.
jchansfan 0
lol #3, awesome. XD OP, You shouldn't watch ****. D:
B4SK3TB4IL 0
good one
baseball154 0
WIN!!!!!!!!!!
SneakyMuffin 0
You, sir, are more awesome than Barney Stinsen (How I Met Your Mother).
needsmoresleep 0
how the **** can anyone be more awesome than Barney Stinson?
Thepunspotter 3
3 - You sir, are the master
Mx_Rider 6
sick sick man nahhh jk we all look at **** even some girls do to 0.o
kaimabeanhof 12
SOME?!?!?! we aaallll do hun
TacoPeps 14
Girls def look at **** I caught my sister watching it ??
956TXking 0
more details please
mysuckishlife 0
Stupid anti-flood protection!
XaosZaleski 0
So...instead of plugging in your laptop last night, you decided to polish your knob off and head to bed? If you knew you needed your laptop for work, you should probably charge it the night before. ****. I hope stupidity isn't contagious.
invisiblerabbit 0
yeah, i once had that happen. although, must add, i work for a pornsite company. so they thought it was a part of my proposal, so i got really great reviews from my colleagues.
racerapj 10
Reminds me of one of Lil' Wayne's songs. "if you can't swallow, shut-up; gargle." On a serious note: YDI for watching the PRONZ
Liveurlife123 0
uh it's not pronz. duh.
T9FTW 20
"A Milli"
ladiesman14 0
oh i love girls who do those things. oh and i love **** too but not as much. a guy at work got fired for looking at girl and a donkey video on his iphone. i almost got fired for saying im hung like a horse.
perdix 31
Funny coincidence. On my first day, I was sitting around a conference table with my boss and my collegues, all male. I said, "Hey, guys, let's all whip out our dicks! Ten bucks says I got the smallest weiner in here!" No one took me up and my boss wanted to fire me. But everybody laughed and they kept me. You don't know how un-threatened guys feel when they think you have a teeny-peeny. It was a great career move.
tmnt18 0
hahaha that's actually wicked funny!!!
BradyT918 9
How immature can you get.
poiuyloopy 0
Girls that do what kind of things (;