Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
cinnamonbuns69 8
What a dick!
itssosparkly 21
Don't take it to heart. Maybe he and dicks just have more in common.
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Comments (95)
cliffibom 15
Better show his penis some respect and he'll probably talk nice to you aswell
_ebbonyy 11
13, Your photo is almost as off putting as your comment.
cliffibom 15
I phrased my comment poorly, i like my photo though
_ebbonyy 11
well at least you acknowledge it :-)
mandadarling 10
"Always I wanna be with you, and make-believe with you, and live in harmony, harmony... Oh... How long has she been standing there looking at us penis? What a freak."
whatnow430 15
"and I just tell 'em Hey! It's me and my dick." (hilarious musical on YouTube)
challan 19
Op, I hate to tell you this girl, but you will never make him as happy as his penis does. Same goes with your ******. Things you do for you ****** that you don't do for him: 1. Relieve it when it's full. 2. Wipe it off when it's wet or dirty 3. Wash it every day (we hope Op) 4. Round the clock nursing when it's sick once a month. 5. Pleasure it every time it wants it 6. Shave it 7. Buy it lacy clothes 8. Take it everywhere you go 9. Buy it toys 10. Invite friends over to visit it
cheyennerosi33 0
That's just weard
DocBastard 40
He has to talk nicer to the penis - he's around his penis 24 hours a day. You he only sees every now and then. Imagine if he got on his dick's bad side - his penis could make his life a living hell. Getting caught in zippers, failing to get erect when he's with you, not to mention the STDs... You get the idea.
Enslaved 38
Get into the conversation and the three of you can be BFF.
eman1972 4
Was he just making small talk? That's just not normal.
rooney0710 5
Dick head
OffToTheGayBar 9
I got yelled at for drawing a face on mine and making it talk to my ex, oddly enough, that's not why she dumped me. A penis is like a miniature buddy, teaching responsibility. You have to give it haircuts, rub it, make sure it's loved. OP's boyfriend may have overdid it, though.
evilplatypus 39
What do you expect? He's got to spend the rest of his life with it! Gotta keep up the positive relationship!