Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML
Today, I took a nap before work. I had a harrowing nightmare in which I was chased by a murderer and the ghosts of his victims at my job. I then woke up to go to work, where I work the night shift, completely alone. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML
Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML
Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML
Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tased. FML
Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. After being upset for not hearing my car alarm go off I realized it had in the middle of the night. I had woken up and cursed the idiot who set off their alarm and put a pillow over my head, falling back to sleep shortly after. FML
Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML
Today, after I got in my car in the Walmart parking lot, a creepy man knocked on my window. Since I'm incredibly paranoid and scare easily, I put my car in gear and tore out of there, accidentally hitting another car. Apparently he was returning my phone that I dropped. FML
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Top comments
blargheria 0
Supervisor of the year award goes to...
bigAC 6
you're like one of those Windex bird
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Comments (153)
perdix 31
It shouldn't matter whether your window was open or not, you're going to be fired for sleeping on the job. You'd think in today's economy, people would make an effort to keep a job. It seems the biggest part of a security guard's job is maintaining consciousness. Not too hard, but beyond the OP's ability.
robertlovespi 3
How do you know he didn't have a damn good reason for falling asleep? Maybe he was at the doctors during the day time and got no sleep. At most he should be warned unless its continual.
perdix 31
The reason he gave was "doing paperwork," which is not a damn good reason. For a job where you get paid to do nothing, except for a few seconds every few months or years, the requirement to stay awake cannot be compromised.
miZscrZee 0
Lmao! Daaayyum!
RheannaFreese 1
That's hilarious! =P
Veldom 1
LMAO Felt great huh
TraceCase_ 19
I work graves and I would never sleep on the job. Maybe because I work hard and am too busy to think about sleep but mostly because I rest in the daytime to prepare myself to stay up all night. Just because you choose to have a job with hours during the time most people are home sleeping doesn't give you the right to come to work tired.
Icecream93 4
aint it good that you didnt use pepperspray on your supervisor?
claudzzzz 5
bahahahaha fail smart one!
sgtrobswifey 0
Thank God, your status as rent a cop will never go more than that. And that your soon to be name will be, ex rent a cop. You're a disgrace to you're fellow comrades I'm quite sure. Not only did you endanger your dumb ass, but possibly other people's as well. Falling asleep at any job is shitty, but especially as a security guard or other like profession. YDI ten fold, and if I would have been your supervisor I'd have pulled you out and whipped your ass. Then fired you. And ripped your eyeballs out and stuck a pencil up your **** you human feces clown nazi **** wit.
sgtrobswifey 0
It's nice to see the last sentence was added, and edited by our wonderful mods. That's pretty sad.
immortal628 20
And what did we learn?
Locoluis 15
A "Scream" mask? How lame. You're clearly unfit for that job.