Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
I bet you're glad that you decided to investigate that.
jawztheshark 6
Why would you randomly watch videos from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions?
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Comments (167)
DocBastard 40
And today, on "Things We Never Needed To Know About Our Parents..."
Alliente 9
Curiosity killed the cat.
TheHarvest 7
wow... awkward
AnxietySlave 9
This story might have a sticky ending..
5280420 13
Doesn't every teen boy?
squidbilly4life 0
I hope that doesn't run in your genetics
babyshaft408 8
I do too.
SkilledMoose40 1
Was it a HAND crippling masturbation problem?
ICastillo 25
You beat off so much you cripple your wrist where you can't move it no more.
HeartOfLead 24
Carpel Tunnel?
FlyingPie 17
At least it sounds like he got a grip on the situation and it didn't erupt into a more serious problem.
KaskStunter 4
What an ungrateful little brat you are! Your dad was practicing hard in order to create you. :-P