Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were using our Skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm slightly curious if your dad was not at least a tad impressed. I mean, who wouldn't want that ability??
MaliciousMel 1
I'm not sure if I should click Your Life Sucks or You Deserved it, but either way, this is beautiful.
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Comments (157)
southpointchrys 3
This doesnt make sense, he walked in through the window? Ohh haha nevermind i see, it's the window on the computer
xSpecs 0
He meant window as in Internet browser window
NuTrees 9
Window is not written in this FML. **** the both of yous
mermaidcentaurs 9
17- Actually it says "browser window." Window is in the FML.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
6- OP is a female. You're correct, but that's the reason you're getting thumbed down.
thisguy45 2
#1 your ******* stupid If you were trying to be "sarcastic" well you failed.
FlavorlessPie 7
This is the most redundant comment I've seen on FML in a long time...
fmlallthetyme 23
Not sure if grammar nazi fail, or complete moron...
southpointchrys 3
Lol no actually i was confused, but you win the title of ****** of the internet, so go suck yourself off and have fun with that
southpointchrys 3
Thank you, i understood that right when i was touching send, but thanks for a serious answer
BulldogHoops 14
17- Facepalm. "Browser window"
southpointchrys 3
The fml was edited, it only said window to start off with, not browser window which is why i was confused.
Shrike 24
So what, 68? Even if it just said "window", it's blatantly obvious what the OP meant. If you spent less time trying to be a smartass and more time shutting up, we'd all be a lot happier. Personally, I think you're just making up excuses, not even logical ones.
southpointchrys 3
Im not making ******* excuses i was actually confused, **** do you get enjoyment from being an asshole to random people on the internet??
Shrike 24
I dunno, I just get kicks from mocking stupid people. Was your comment intentionally ironic, or was that just an unintended bonus for me?
FlavorlessPie 7
I like how this guy has such a GREAT social life that he's fighting over a mistake on the Internet! Let it go man..
southpointchrys 3
Well, when it said the father walked into the room, i immediately thought door, so when i read the bit above it again, window in my head did not click as browser window, simply as a window
southpointchrys 3
76- sorry, i just get a bit defensive when i make a "simple mistake" and basically get judged as a retard for it.
ripresno 10
This chain of replies on 1's comment is just one fail that got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.
southpointchrys 3
Damn i wish i could just delete the comment lol i feel stupid and everyone is wasting their time
Dracoboxer357 36
94- A piece of advice then? Just breathe, relax and accept we all make mistakes. Just let it go, do better next time, and no one will care about the past. If it makes you feel better, my first comment ever was a complete bomb.....and nobody gives a shit. :) Okay? Okay. :) Chill.
Axipiter 24
94 - At least you used the correct "their". You may be one step closer to redemption because of this.
Missy612 14
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR COMMENTS IS GETTING THUMBED DOWN...Do you not get the message to STFU?
mrFTW 3
You're*
Arthurie 30
112 - This is the biggest fail I've seen in a long time. /loses faith in humanity
BunchieRules 31
121 - Maybe 112 was replying to 48. Either way, he should have made it clear who he was replying to.
lalalala071 5
Why was this comment being thumbed down?
AlexDeBrazil 1
Just yall thumb me down! i f#cking dare you!
downtime 13
If you'd paused for a moment to try to work out the confusion before jumping on trying to comment first you wouldn't have looked so stupid. You don't have anyone to blame but yourself for this.
Wozuh 5
Regardless of whether you were confused, you obviously figured it out, it was written in your comment. So basically all you did is write out your thought process, and waste the number 1 comment spot.
southpointchrys 3
146- would you rather me have said "First!" ?
infernno 23
Lol, wheres my popcorn when I need it. I love it when people argue over pointless shit.
selenagomezlover 8
The irony of u saying that when u have practically 30 thumbs down :'D
sdroze1389 31
grammar fail.
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm slightly curious if your dad was not at least a tad impressed. I mean, who wouldn't want that ability??
hutch66 13
Umm, I would be fine without being able to suck my own dick.
Psych101 9
I wouldn't want to either, but you can't deny that it is impressive.
Ajwc101 24
I wouldn't. I rather not give myself a *******.
biggestfan23 11
People who would want too are disgusting.
noelykins1 19
Well think about it. If a guy doesn't want to be able to suck his own dick what makes you think we want to suck your dick? 0.o
Nekogami 14
Noel, I know plenty of girls who absolutely adore sucking a guy off. Like, it's a huge fetish of theirs. For some, they are being subservient and they love that, whereas others feel as though the mans emotions and feelings and his most trusted bit of who he is is locked in their hand/mouth. Power trip in a way. I would hate to do oral on myself, simply for the fact I just hate the idea of giving oral. I'll leave the sucking to my GF. :-). She enjoys it. :)
Reeserr 3
Someone who isn't gay
Harpy20 24
30- no woman wants to lick her own ****** either, but it doesn't stop them from liking guys to go down on them. Same shit.
themarshal_fml 6
44 It's only gay if you swallow.
elletex 8
There are plenty of women who genuinely love giving oral. Yeah, it is a bit of a power trip. It feels awesome knowing you can make that person feel good and just lose control.
mphoolid 3
Now that's what I'm talking about
miserableatbest2 12
92- I'd love to be able to lick my own ******.
sux4u121 10
All fun and ganes until you get a mouthful of semen.
Fylives101 2
I'm sure he was. It surely isn't something you usually see in a lifetime, so yeah, YOLO.
griddy24 18
Your poor gf Nekagomi - no oral for her but lots for you. Sweet. You’d better be damned amazing w your hands/dick then!
missathegirlwond 19
Hope you enjoyed the show, and that it was worth the mortification!
onlychildFTW 34
That's something I would like to see someone do. Just out of curiosity. Seems like something pretty impossible. But I guess you can remove your ribs or be a gymnast.
missmonkie 16
Window.. as in window browser.
HahaHokayThen 10
I know right, Omegle & chatroulette are so risky to be on if anyone else is home, you never know who or what'll pop up next..
missmonkie 16
That comment was for the person who didn't understand window
southpointchrys 3
I get this now i just had a stupid moment for a second
Keep_It_Hot99 8
64 just stop talking, and move on. It's getting kinda sad really..
southpointchrys 3
113- You're 14, shut the **** up.
Pinkpoogle 3
Ahh, the crazy but talented people of omegle. Hope your family isn't scarred for too long.
Welshite 40
Well, you asked for it...
stephan18 23
Yea, she knew what she was looking for on Omegle ;) hahaha!
MaliciousMel 1
I'm not sure if I should click Your Life Sucks or You Deserved it, but either way, this is beautiful.
gc327072 31
If you're on the app, you can click both! Always handy for those indecisive fml's!
Welshite 40
#49: Or don't click at all. A positive and a negative negate each other. (+1)+(-1)=0
perdix 31
Clearly, it's the guy on your screen who sucks.
rems109 5
That's an awkward situation.. You could either explain in awkward detail your curiosity about not believing the guy, or you could awkwardly go on in silence and never mention it again...
Keep_It_Hot99 8
Dad:"Hey sweetie, about last night—" OP:"DON'T TALK ABOUT IT!"
Adamzee88 2
That sucks
Psych101 9
Terrible comment or pun? I can't tell.
ygdrassil 17
It's obviously both.
esines 9
That comment blew
SilverKeith 7
I think both of you should've shared a nice natured laugh. You don't see things like that every day!