Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
I bet you're glad that you decided to investigate that.
jawztheshark 6
Why would you randomly watch videos from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions?
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Comments (167)
bigbadtim 7
I bet you're glad that you decided to investigate that.
TheOneTC 8
38 - *She had to watch it
onlychildFTW 34
The human way to always want to look stuff up with family. Even though its 1.0x10^10000000000000000 times better to NOT.
XPetrova 10
38, 60 - How do you even have an idea that the OP is a boy or a girl?
shadowdragon1 1
Ouch that sucks. Damn those hand cramps
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#95 - Because it has the female symbol...?
XPetrova 10
97 - Thanks, I didn't notice the gender symbols. 99 - I just asked a little question. No need to start making assumptions or make a long comment on such a little question. Relax there.
isallwaysme 27
60~ at what point does it say that OP is a she? it could very well be a he
sp00ky_fml 5
Good one LOL! That's surely one way to stand out; don't make stupid assumptions. Glad to see people like you around! :)
lindora 35
108- dude....seriously? It was JUST explained.
XPetrova 10
109 - What the **** are you talking about? **** guys, I just asked a straight forward question that I'm sure a few other people were wondering about too.
mod3rator 2
No, only that other guy who couldn't possibly have read the previous comments :/ Some people just ask before they think. Other than you two, no one else was asking that soooo...
lonelytrevor 5
That equals 0.
miyaviichan 27
Just throwing it out there that my phone's browser doesn't display the gender or username of the OP. So I just stay quiet and wait for comments.
meihua 19
On the phone app or browser?
kofeinisti 6
The mobile site, m.fmylife.com, does not displayusernames or gender symbols.
jesuslover5000 5
122- Smart man! Or woman… ironic that the topic is over confusion of gender and your profile denies such information. Haha
onlychildFTW 34
Why not download the FREE app? It's FREE and quite handy.
DogsPaw 16
148- I don't THINK!! That the FML App is available on BlackBerry's and phones like that, again I don't think they do. I view this on an iPhone and I see the Users.
Mommyof2_91 10
My amusement for the whole day is on this thread.
ApologyKick 25
Alan, I'm sorry to observe that riding your motor cycle like Tom Cruise didn't turn out so well, get better soon!
little_one 20
My friends galaxy doesn't show it neither does the torch but my iPhone does.
XPetrova 10
Stupidity? Seriously, you need to chill out a bit. I read the FML and commented on my cell phone which doesn't feature a gender symbol. I then went on my iPod and saw the replies referring to the symbol at the top corner. I don't know what was stupid about the question. Some devices don't have that feature, including my crappy cell. I think you may want to refer to stupidity to the fact that my phone does not have many features. Not everyone has an iPhone or the same display of FML. I apologize to anyone I might've possible "annoyed".
Sodapop40 21
Some things are better left unknown. ..
desoto96 9
I take it that doesn't run in the family then?
jawztheshark 6
OP is your moms name Jill by any chance?
Posthuman 26
Oh no it does run in the family. That's why he was watching the video, so he could find out if he had a problem
motocommradios 6
31-she*
Posthuman 26
Yeah I had a blonde moment. A major gender-bending blonde moment. In guy form
ShannyAK 16
Maybe skipped a generation
j_cat187 20
Is stupidity hereditary?
davestrider 0
Well at least it was funny so who cares?
MissMae93 23
Well, glad all of you guys are checking out my profile. Also - I don't go to U of O, sorry. There are several other post-secondary schools in Ottawa.
desoto96 9
120) I would say not, but if your parents are stupid and you're raised by said "parents." then there is a good chance you'll end up stupid. 135) say what?
36591951 9
53 - your a guy?
Stu2DPot 10
134- Oh, hello Strider, what are you doing on FML? I figured you would be strifing or talking to John and drinking some apple juice. Way to catch comment 134 btw
MissMae93 23
Sometimes it's better NOT to investigate.
imperialtl 12
I'm at UofO too!
MissMae93 23
9 - Uhm, what?
imperialtl 12
LoL nothing just assumed I found another person from the university of Ottawa on here. That's all.
pedosmurf 7
She wanted to know the a answer not that it was him :p
hellogoodbye1996 6
I want to work at a mental health hospital too
aswil 10
I regretted my comment but can't delete. Sorry.
BlowinChronic 18
Sorry is not a valid answer, you will be buried for wasting comment 4 >=]
Dixbfloppin 11
I thumbed you up. At least you're honest.
onlychildFTW 34
Honest = thumbs up in my book!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Well that's not an honest statement, that's an opinion. If you stated that you thought child molesters were cool, that would be true provided you really did think that; if that's the case, I applaud your honesty, but you might need to get some help. :P
DogsPaw 16
I find them cool... After they are shot.
jawztheshark 6
Why would you randomly watch videos from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions?
Cocoapelli 23
Because they're some of the only videos that address crippling masturbation. Wait... oh no!
gc327072 31
Because sometimes boredom gets that intense.
RaggleFrock 13
I was wondering it aswell and then I thought was it a video on YouTube or an actual old video tape on a VHS?
heygirlie777 21
5- I know the FML doesn't give reason to believe this, but my first guess was that OP was in a sex ed class.
Mooish 18
Sometimes in sex Ed classes out have to watch videos about stuff like that. I did.
cricket55 14
The new version of National Geographic. First glimpse at boobs for some children.
redfishbluefish2 13
You know you have been down the black hole that is YouTube before!
Bblock 5
"so how what did you learn in school today, honey?"
tsent8 15
That dad doesn't need you.
tsent8 15
And how the **** does that have anything in common with the fml except that it happened in health class and it disappoints you? Please next time just write an fml instead of putting it on a top comment.
unknown_user5566 27
76- Oh, shut up. #75 was replying to the OP of this specific thread (#6) by acting like #6 was asking HIM the question.
FuckYourProblems 6
You learn something new everyday. Anyways, show some support for him, he must've had some pretty hard times back then.
Malicejane 3
I think there was only one thing that was "hard" during his childhood.
capslockisgood 19
Way to steal his joke.
Bright_Lights 14
Son? Is that you?
BlowinChronic 18
What?
Dixbfloppin 11
I think what 12 is trying to say is that he's OP's father.
martin_martian7 11
Awkward...
OldMemoriesFade 8
Curiosity killed the cat..
OldMemoriesFade 8
I'd do the same if I was in his shoes, I'm overly curious, I guess it's just one of those things that make us who we are.
EG14_fml 8
It still had another eight lives after that.... but after this FML, I'm sure it wish it didn't
amirawrx 8
Curiosity killed the ability for her to look her father in the eye again.
blaackandprouud 20
Curiousity DID in fact kill the cat. But the satisfaction brought it back.
blaackandprouud 20
Whoops, didn't see 33's comment. Awkward..