Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, as I was jogging on the boardwalk, an old guy tripped me with his cane. As I was getting back up, I heard him say to his wife, "I wanted to see if she would actually fall." FML
Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML
Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML
Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
QueenOrangeSoda 21
With such primitive uncivility, he sure didn't win the human race.
flockz 20
that was the most elegant insult i've ever read. *golf clap*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
kidsgotastinky 11
That stings
cuppycakeslove 20
No, it itches.
kabby27 12
That sucks, I am sorry OP. That was no way for him to treat anyone like that.
CallMeWindSock 24
Sore loser?
DarkStorm2Bad 14
Unfortunately, the loser wasn't the one left sore :-(
perdix 31
This is why my motto is "Go for the Bronze!" Sore losers hate the guys who hog the silver and gold. Bronze is pretty and no one will attack you -- that's the optimal metal.
mxij 13
Unless your Sparta. Then you get all the Persians busting down your cliff.
bingbongbingbong 11
" if your not first your last "
perdix 31
#44, I hope you're not referring to the Grammar Bee. (I gave you a sneaky hint about your most egregious problem.)
bingbongbingbong 11
No it a quote from a movie hence the quaraion
bingbongbingbong 11
Quotation
angelitared 27
You should've chased his ass and choked him. Just sayin.
vballgirly28 16
That sucks but maybe you have a doppelgänger that beat him in a race?
Pesticides 19
Op must race to find said doppelganger before it finds and kills him, then assuming op's life.
RoseBlack123 37
What an ass! You should've caught up with him and punched his face!
17This_Is_Me17 8
I guess you have a look alike, but still, some people are just crazy
gracehi 33
What a itch! *ba dum tssss* Get it, get it? Itch rhymes with bitch! Ha ha ha! Funny...right? No? Oh...okay... :(
ja2006 9
Umm, why is there poison ivy on a street where people walk?
Axipiter 24
I know, right? Why didn't they just pave everything a mile within the sidewalk, so that nobody would get pushed into horrible nature?
justmeCee 16
I was wondering the same thing.