Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML
Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML
Today, my wife got so upset I didn't hold her while Snooki from Jersey Shore was crying, that after the episode was done she locked herself in our room crying. Now I have to sleep on the floor of my living room. Thanks Snooki. FML
Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML
Today, to get revenge on our kids for constantly annoying her with that "6, 7" bullshit, my wife has decided to speak only in 90s slang and Pauly Shore quotes. I feel like I haven’t had a normal conversation in weeks! I’m losing my fucking mind! FML
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
Today, I realised that when my husband is telling our boys off, he can’t think of what to say so he just steals lines from TV shows. This afternoon he told them, “Have you lost your minds? Because I’ll help you find them!” and, “I’ll be on your tails like a hot wind!” Both phrases are from The Office. FML
Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML
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Top comments
buckeyed 20
Aw that would just quack me up.
ManInTheMachine 20
I feel bad for the ducks. LOAVES of bread? They'll die of heart failure before they even get a chance to lay eggs! Think of the children!
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Comments (52)
Klonk 5
First
Umbreon01100 18
Waste of first comment
rg350dx 29
First to get down voted into oblivion. Yeah, I'm sure you will be.
tehdarkness 21
Aww, sounds like he's just being funny. Give him a break.
rg350dx 29
I think it crosses the line when he starts throwing Loaves of bread in the pool. I can understand a piece or two but loaves? You wouldn't be catching a break for that in my house, this ain't no kit kat factory.
thatkidhesh 11
Even though James Gandolfini is an absolute legend, I agree, nothing justifies throwing whole loaves of bread away like that. Bread is expensive.
blowtrees420 6
Ohh please bread cost a dollar a loaf no big freakin deal.. yall need to calm down smoke some bud
buckeyed 20
Aw that would just quack me up.
XxDevilxXGt 26
The funny part is that "quack" could be the way to say crack in a "noo joisey" accent.
Toasty283 8
It's actually trying to say "new jersey" in a New Jersey accent. Try to say New Jersey like those people from jersey shore.
Toasty283 8
I got disliked or being "informative".... Tough crowd...
skyttlz 32
Because we all know what it means.
Fedezzer 20
That's not very wise at all.
Jemm_fml 29
Does he talk dirty in that accent too?
TheSuperWog 2
thats the funniest thing ive ever heard. makes me want to go rewatch those episodes!
badgirl00069 19
Lmao now that would have been funny but annoying hugs op
ManInTheMachine 20
I feel bad for the ducks. LOAVES of bread? They'll die of heart failure before they even get a chance to lay eggs! Think of the children!
buckeyed 20
Sad fact alert: bread is bad to feed ducks often because there's little nutritional value and it fills up their stomachs when they could have buggies or plants. If you go to a busy pond, bring certain greens and veggies for them! This has been your duck-friendly PSA.
RpiesSPIES 27
#15 You hand out apples for Halloween, don't you.
gracehi 33
If I had a nickel for every time I told someone that I'm from New Jersey, and they in turn told me I don't sound like I'm from New Jersey, I could put a down payment on my dream home in central Florida. Bitch, I do sound like I'm from New Jersey. I just don't sound like I'm from a North Joisee New Yoik suburb like those douche bags on Jersey Shore and the fictitious mob boss Tony Soprano.
Futacy 30
So you have a South Jersey/Philly accent?
jrod9327 17
Don't you hate that? I had one person in my life correctly guess what I was based off my accent and I was very surprised but otherwise, I don't "sound" like an undisclosed area near jersey haha.
gracehi 33
Yes, 21. It makes me want to go Tony Soprano on their ass. Or when people don't believe me when I tell them that much of New Jersey is farm land. No, 18, I wouldn't say I have a Philadelphia accent. People from Philadelphia sound odd to my ear compared to people from my home town. I'd say I have the generic American accent heard in most movies and ads.
davincidasecond 24
23, I feel your pain. It happens to me too.
jamjam12 15
Hey! I'm from north jersey and I don't have an obnoxious accent :( at least I hope not...
HoneyBadger666 7
I remember when I went on my first college visit in Maryland, and I met a few people there who asked where I was from. The second I said I was from Central Jersey, they began cracking up and asking why my accent was so "normal." God, I hate this with a fiery passion. Sorry, to burst everyone's bubble, but that Tony Soprano accent isn't a Jersey accent. In fact, I'm pretty sure basically anybody you find in in NJ that actually has that obnoxious Joisey accent (I know none in real life) has simply been a victim to outside influence up north near NY, or down south near Philly. The Jersey Shore douche bags are not even from NJ (except for maybe one). They're New Yorkers!
angelitared 27
Boys will be boys!