Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML
Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, as I was jogging on the boardwalk, an old guy tripped me with his cane. As I was getting back up, I heard him say to his wife, "I wanted to see if she would actually fall." FML
Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML
Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML
Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
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Top comments
QueenOrangeSoda 21
With such primitive uncivility, he sure didn't win the human race.
flockz 20
that was the most elegant insult i've ever read. *golf clap*
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Comments (77)
QueenOrangeSoda 21
With such primitive uncivility, he sure didn't win the human race.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Burrrrrn. Or, I guess an ever present ******* horrible itch that oozes like hell...
flockz 20
that was the most elegant insult i've ever read. *golf clap*
thisguy9643 6
Damnnn lol *claps*
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
I was thinking the race of life.... but well said #1.
generalasskicker 12
I fell like this is a double negative if you have primitive or undeveloped uncivility would it not be logical that you have developed civility? Regardless nicely worded insult.
blakesinthelake 11
That's terrible. Hopefully you heal well
zandalee 20
You obviously are winning in the race of life!!
jrod9327 17
Some people just make you wonder what goes on in their head. Probably thought you were someone else but honestly, I would be livid.
ILoveMyArm 15
Some people are really itching for a beating.
buddy51 23
Or, at least, itchy.....
noelasis94 18
He must mean you're beating him in life's race, and now you're not. Being pushed in poison ivy is the go ahead.
gloooooria 14
Is the go ahead to catch up and kick his ass?
buddy51 23
OP enjoy your swim in an ocean of calamine lotion while you contemplate what caused that son of an itch to such rash behavior. All your thought can only scratch the surface of his mindless pustular eruption!!!!
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Good god youre comment is so intense! lol
avapaige1234 19
What intellect! Haha
Futacy 30
38- *your
lloyd123 17
lol! fyl! damn ur look alike!
CallMeWindSock 24
Fyl... If only there was a button for that...
KiddoKS 19
It wasn't a look alike... It was one of those evil doppelgangers again!
Futacy 30
Why don't you race him to his house and give him a nice, big, surprise, poison hug? If you have to suffer, so should he.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Oh God there's no a-leaf-ing that itch. Have fun.
ElatedEarthling 15
This could be your chance to shine! Get poison ivy rashes to cover your whole body until its indistinguishable, then walk around as the crime fighting vigilante "Ivy-Man!" And when you find the guy who pushed you, give him a nice big hug... FOR JUSTICE!
Grimnirwher9 21
Nice try, #9. Poison Ivy is actually a supervillain.
shibeep 12
Should've rolled around in it real quick then chase him down and bear hug the shit out of him. If you were going too get it already might as well have your revenge.