Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bnwranbo 2
dude.... i was in the middle of eating breakfast...
djizzle 0
oh shit holy shit i would've thrown up all over the desk fyl ew.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
Treehugger 0
ew..... how did it get there? FYL FIRST YO!!!!
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
Well you're an asshole
MDB021 0
thats just dirty. Hope no one saw you with the roach
ILovesMahBridge 0
Contrary to popular belief, cochroaches are actually clean. If you're a dirty person, you have dirty cochroaches. Clean people have clean cochroaches. I just wish i could put a hat on one and teach it to drink tea...
31889 0
wow ^your cool
arielzbkny 0
Wtf?
lilpsyco 16
I hope you guys realize crustaceans like crabs, lobsters, and shrimp belong to the arthropod family which is the same family insects like cockroaches, centipedes, and grasshoppers. Think about that next time you go out to a nice lobster dinner.
djizzle 0
oh shit holy shit i would've thrown up all over the desk fyl ew.
bnwranbo 2
dude.... i was in the middle of eating breakfast...
Treehugger 0
lol, #4
hahayou12345 0
Ewewew. Gross. I would probably have freaked out. Haha. And #4 YDI for reading FMLs during breakfast.
Logica42 0
I know, right? That's just asking for it. If someone posted an FML about throwing up over an FML while eating breakfast, I would click YDI. =(
poolshark 0
You know cockroaches live in colonies, right? You probably have a much bigger problem on your hands than finding one roach in your pocket. Ewww though.
ILovesMahBridge 0
So that's why his asshole has been moving around...
thattickles 0
you should have let it keep living there. if your life is as ****** as some of the other people's i've read here, it would probably end up being your bff.
Watchmaker 2
And you have a cockroach living in your pocket why?
biancagolden 0
UGH, that happened to me once. A pair of my jeans had fallen on the floor, and I picked it up and started to turn one of the pant legs the right way (it was inside out) and then when I removed my hand I saw this cockroach in my palm, on its back and kicking. Ughhh. Another time, my sister was on the phone and a cockroach fell into her hair from the ceiling. She screamed her ass off, but I thought it was pretty funny :D