Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
queenariii 22
Well, did you help him out? At least hold the door open.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I hear that roaches often feed off of other dead roaches. For a feast maybe?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (44)
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I hear that roaches often feed off of other dead roaches. For a feast maybe?
crossl16 22
You should live up to your username haha
The12thPaladin 8
So OP should give up their job because of a cockroach?
Amama_fml 30
25, CORRECTION: Two cockroaches
obvious_lee 9
This would be perfect if you were a veterinarian.
Raxy_fml 18
friendship goals ?
TheNewGuy03 29
It's Joe's Apartment all over again
MetalxSoldier 26
For those of you who don't know what he's talking about, "Joe's Apartment" was an old MTV comedy movie about a guy who moved to New York and had an apartment infested with talking cockroaches who he becomes friends with.
TheNewGuy03 29
Appreciate the backup and clarification.
Colon_Man 17
Oh my god, are we old enough that kids today need to be told of our ancient stories? NNNNOOOOO!!!
queenariii 22
Well, did you help him out? At least hold the door open.
mazor 22
Hodor also held the door and look what happened to him.
Catdragon 40
Damn, a cockroach can carry his fallen buddy and I can't even get a text back
G6Fari 18
They were just looking for a job too man
MegasaurusRex89 28
The beginning of a complex society... The roach uprising begins.
Danishduckling 20
Hey, that's racist. just because cockroaches look the same, you think they all know each other? What has this world come to when not even cockroaches are left alone?!? *scream of despair* (jk)
sprinklez0601 8
for everybody who down voted this, he/she said jk at the end. pay attention