Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML
Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
colton_colton 50
Well time to burn that hat
ColdRoxas 18
Well you got a present
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (36)
colton_colton 50
Well time to burn that hat
fuckyourlifeOP 25
I HATE cockroaches with a passion. Merry Christmas, nope nope nope.
incoherentrmblr 22
Time to burn the hat, shave your head and wash with T-Gel, and report that store to the Department of Health...
ColdRoxas 18
Well you got a present
MrSassypants 34
That's Santa's new way of telling people they have been naughty. Even Santa is on a budget; he can't afford coal to give out anymore.
fabulouskenaz 6
It's not really a budget, it's just a way of going green
Doberman101 29
Aww gross. What store did you get it from!? Go and return it now. I'm sorry that happened to you OP.
Enslaved 38
I learnt that even nicer stores can have bug problems. I once tried on a jacket at Macy's and there was a giant moth hiding in its sleeves when I put my arm through. And I've heard stories that some women have gotten parasites infesting in their breast from not washing their new bras. Blah
OysterPearls 33
22, parasites need a living host to survive. I've heard of that myth, it was confirmed to be fake.
Stazza11 27
Don't thumb down 36, she is right. The pictures of maggots infesting a woman's breasts are crap lies. It's all photoshopped.
FrozenMusic 26
I was eating when I read this...
amadeclton 27
You should never eat and read FMLs simultaneously unless you want to regurgitate it.
Welshite 40
I always eat when I read FMLs. The food tastes better going down the second time.
NeatNit 33
at least it wasn't a live cockroach?
OysterPearls 33
Ah, there's no better way to get into the holiday spirit than with a little surprise from Santa.
jerryj 27
Om the bright side, a live coackroach would have been worse.
IamHercules 24
Oh god, that's not the kind of thing I would expect from a new hat.
movaa 11
He probably went peepee on your hair.
cherry_popper69 11
I didn't know children were allowed on this site?
carzaki27 12
Are you 10?
Comments2010 17
#47 and #52 no according to her profile she's "the coolest mom you'll ever meet" side note: profile picture...
Seabiscuit218 12
That probably.. bugged you
stingray112 24
At that point it's not rlly worth it lets be real