Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
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Top comments
vicky_lynnnnn 11
At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha
ThatHorse 15
How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?
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Comments (115)
writerchic85 26
I hope you wouldn't actually kick a cat
moshpit11 8
First off why would you kick the cat why not I don't know pick it up and set it outside like a normal person second it's more of an FHL than a FYL third you owe him BIG fourth you should hope he doesn't "accidentally" stick it in the wrong hole but if he does you deserve it
Fanimotronic 17
YDI for kicking a cat!
clawstrophobic 15
Is it like a shove kick where you nudge them out or a full on football kick?
crandel 11
Surely this is your husband's FML not yours? Nothing bad happened to you; he's the one who got kicked in the balls.
UsagiArwen 23
Do any of the people saying YDI for kicking a cat in your dream grasp the concept that it was a dream and weird crap happens in a dream? I mean, come on, not everyone can lucid dream, and those of us who can't lucid dream end up doing truly strange stuff in our dreams that we CAN'T control. Idiots. I mean, I too, hope that OP wouldn't kick a cat for real, but it's a frickin dream.
trucker2 33
Well aren't you just a real ball breaker.
crazeeyamy 13
Why the hell would you kick your cat!
iwadasn 33
Did you miss the part where she was dreaming? People do plenty of things in their dreams that they wouldn't actually do in real life.
silversolo 15
Dreams are weird as ****
Charles900 16
Perhaps your husband should be the one on this site. "Today, my wife kicked me in the nuts when she was sleeping. FML"