Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
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Top comments
vicky_lynnnnn 11
At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha
ThatHorse 15
How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?
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Comments (115)
JKPwnage 27
YDI for trying to kick a cat
tiredofwaiting 25
Sounds like you had a good cat nap.
josace 9
Interesting
worldclassrager 41
Next time pick up the cat and put him outside...but it's hard to control dreams...
MGC501 13
Oh wow, FYL indeed. And if any of the jewels broke, FHL as well. Hope the jewels are okay! (And the two of you of course!)
Yastafari 16
Today, I was sleeping beside my wife. Then out of nowhere that said wife kicks me in the resting home of our future children. No worries, she didn't mean to kick me in the balls, she thought she was kicking our cat in her dream. FML
berkeleyjake 13
what would make this story perfect is if you don't even own a cat
kyiomi 18
You shouldn't kick the cat anyways. It's called animal abuse. Even if it's a 'light' kick. I only hope next time you manage to kick yourself, or karma bites you in the ass and you fall down some stairs.
brandymartinez 2
animal abuser !!! ?
ally8 21
The idea that you would ever kick a cat is disgusting
iwadasn 33
Yeah, because dreams are a 100% reflection of reality.