Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
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Top comments
vicky_lynnnnn 11
At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha
ThatHorse 15
How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?
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Comments (115)
vicky_lynnnnn 11
At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha
Marcella1016 32
Kinda still feel like OP deserves it. For her instinct to be to kick the cat in her dream, who knows what does IRL. I rarely hit YDI but this is one of them. I have two cats and would never dream of kicking them. Edit - Pun not intended, but I guess it works here haha
SystemofaBlink41 27
Well, to be fair, dreams can be pretty ******* weird. I once dreamed I was stealing cars, exploding cop cars and then in the end I turned out to be in the body of Jim Carrey. It doesn't mean I do it in real life or have an urge to do so. Except being Jim Carrey, though...
RebeccaRFT 18
What if she doesn't even have a cat? And plus if she would treat a cat that way I doubt she'd have a cat if she hated them so much. I don't see how it's a YDI
rootl 7
You don't go and kick a cat. It shouldn't matter if you like it or not, don't kick a cat.
IWishIWasObama 12
You deserve to be kicked in the face.
interesting33 37
I agree, I think you can't control what happens in dreams but I do hope OP would never kick the cat IRL
Mortoli 30
lol #55 i know what you mean
brand125 17
50 - sorry i get what your trying to say but its not fair to judge someone based off of what they do in a dream, thats actually stupid. ive done so many random things in dreams i wouldnt actually do in real life...
inutaru 14
#50 you're assuming OP drop kicks their cat on a regular basis? seriously? because when my cat doesn't want to listen I give him a light boot to the butt, which can also be classified as kicking my cat..........
e_is_for_eli 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
what a CATastrophe
simply_meeeee 26
...I thought your joke was funny
rashpimplezitz 9
Welcome to the hate-ridden website that is FML. Seriously, say something in the slightest that anyone decides they don't like (even if it's a funny post that got top comment on a similar FML) and you'll get down-voted into the abyss.
ObiWan21 2
-16 for this comment? do you people have a concussion ?
dirtbikeguy 14
I thought it was funny too
victorsaurus01 13
I've noticed that the puns with the capitalized word that makes the pun a pun, tends to get down voted.
RodzillaX 30
Purrfect comment gets downvoted. Have an upvote.
yoursucklives 36
**** your husbands life. but it isn't really your fault, you were asleep after all! i hope you didn't hit him too hard and that he recoverd fast! :)
TDKopecki 16
Of course it wasn't her fault! It was her husband's fault 100%.
greeneyedx 23
Oh shut up! OP was asleep so it's really not her fault.
reklawelyk 15
This is why I hate fml. #3 gives her honest, reasonable opinion and gets down voted because if a person on this site has a slightly different opinion or misspells a word even, they get down voted by the self-righteous, egotistical, pricks of fml.
Sista92359 24
Question, not to be rude or anything but, if you hate FML why do you still have it?
MyNameIsLaughter 18
F Your husbands life That is definitely not the ideal way to wake up
chrisbeaudoin 26
Your husbands side of the story: this morning i woke up to my wife kicking me in the nuts for no reason.
ThatHorse 15
How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?
tarlax 11
You've obviously never taken a hit to the nuts. Or yours are made of steel. Even a light flick can do it.
ThatHorse 15
They're made of steel then I guess. Cause I've been kicked in the nuts lightly without pain.
Welshite 40
You must not be hung like a horse then.
ArturoJames 13
Hung like a half eaten tic-tac?
buckstop1 37
Actually it's impossible to have balls of steal. Your balls are supported only by a thin layer of skin, so there's no way you could have to steel balls in your scrotom
RamboFB 10
Steal? Give me a break
tantanpanda 26
two* If you had synthetic balls, it would be totally possible.
ThatHorse 15
I replaced them! ... That sounds painful now that I think about it...
gharra5 15
If you had balls of steel it'd be pretty hard to sneak around the house *click* *clack* *click* *clack*
buckstop1 37
If a thin layer of skin was carrying that around it would hurt like hell, don't even tell me I'm wrong
Damarcus 22
love hurts
klawzor 17
What a pussy.
greeneyedx 23
At least a pussy can take a hit
weaboo 12
I think he was referring to the cat
cathrope 10
Thanks OP, Mug root beer out the nose hurts.
OysterPearls 33
Oh come on, you should know by now not to drink and FML.
HeadlessSparrow 20
F the cat's life in the dream!
squeekstir 10
You must be a special kind of stupid
HeadlessSparrow 20
Insulting someone you don't know for a comment you don't like, real mature.
weaboo 12
He is calling you stupid for a stupid comment (you are feeling sympathy for a cat in someone else’s dream) the same way that I am calling you stupid for not understanding that
TheNewGuy03 29
You must have really punted them! You kicked the cat out of the bag, so to speak.