Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, my husband was coming back after three weeks away for work. I was ready to surprise him when he walked in, but the cat took a foul shit in the litter box and the smell stressed me out so much that the first thing he heard was, "Clean the cat box!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xxkimmyt 9
Maybe that is why I woke up.
krysxkatastrophe 14
That's actually really funny. At least he peed in the litter box instead of the floor.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
xxkimmyt 9
Maybe that is why I woke up.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
... Ah that solves the mystery of the scream I heard. And here I thought someone left the TV on...
newbiehere99 6
I bet the cat was pissed ... Anyone? No? Ok ... Haha
22cute 17
Your man deserved it. Pissing is how animals mark their territory remember.
Oreohugzpenny 4
Your husband is very intelligent when drunk.
zandalee 20
No wonder she was pissed, ******* vibrator was in there! Now it's ruined!!!!!
krysxkatastrophe 14
That's actually really funny. At least he peed in the litter box instead of the floor.
mylifesucks_fml 1
have fun trying to make it feel better OP...
moonsxstars 6
Your cat found a new scratching post
meihua 19
So is the new scratching post his penis?
Webslinger66 10
That is not cool. Although if he was that drunk, he should have just gone outside.
yuggi1 11
At least he didn't pee in the fridge. Yuck.
Krirn 21
Yes, at least he didn't pee in the (insert "anything but toilet and litterbox" here)
yuggi1 11
Hey! I don't appreciate your comments! I actually had this happened to me. I speak from experience! Yes, it was a drunk bastard. No, it wasn't me. Yes, I had to clean the filth up at the crack of damn. It was one of the nastiest things I'd ever done. I had to buy a new fridge because of the awful, never going away smell. So you can grab your condescending comments and shove them up your rectums. >:) lolololol.
ninjadinos 14
I feel like most people have attempted peeing in the fridge at least once... Right?
unknown_user5566 27
17- Do you honestly think Baustigt cares if he offends anyone?
yuggi1 11
I neither think or care. I post for the pleasure of posting. I'm not even upset. My playful smile and the "lolol"s at the end will clarify that. Where am I you ask? Well, not sitting in the toilet trying to pass time and logs. Certainly not THAT.
chevonfinley 8
17 - Up at the "crack of damn"?! ... I'm assuming that's freakin early.
Shadomasta 5
Thanks baustigt. I'm perry sure I'm going to get written up from my excessive user of laughter in the work place.
GweedSincE84_fml 15
Lmfao! You should be glad he didn't drop a deuce in the litter box
Meettitan 14
I think urination is more common whilst inebriated, but I could be wrong...
unknown_user5566 27
It may be more common to urinate, but it's not like inebriation prevents you from taking a dump.
ebonyirony 29
Once you piss once, you piss all night.
jojimugo 20
Throw some salt over your shoulder , light a black candle ..... Do something cause that's some hex shit
jojimugo 20
Wrong fml ...... Freaking tequila
Complaining 13
Well, I can see it certainly woke you.
calilovesneb 12
For awhile, my cat used to try I attack anyone who tried to clean out her litter box. It was ridiculous. We had to do it while she was downstairs and then once she found out that it was clean she started peeing around the house. Crazy felines.
ifoundalaska 11
Oh that's so strange :/ my bosses cat starts peeing around the house if you DON'T clean his litter box :p
RogueWarrior869 23
Have you tried a little catnip in the litter-box? It helps with a few issues.
Pentium_4 27
not bad for an insanely drunk person, he could have peed in worse places, too bad the cat was already in there!
samreimer 7
That's some serious cattitude.