Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML
Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
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Top comments
Zero22120 12
Who needs to call pest control when you've got dad?
Blueglasscup 18
Cool dad bro. Also at least he was wearing undies? :)
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Comments (269)
bigmoney12 3
Haha
shannonreneee 11
I do this with cockroaches, I also leave a knife out so they know what's comin to them. Also leave the dead ones over night. Sending those bugs a stern message.
nixter5 18
I think he might have had a fee too many last night, don't you think?
Vasin_fml 15
Well he didn't want ant's in his pant's.
fanceh 10
did your new friend come over and see him naked later on?
LordGoober 13
18- wanna come spray my house? ;)
Pixxio_O 11
I prefer to just eat them, there's no need to invest in ant kill...
Damn_Hippster 11
Your dad is a champion!
FurryPride 9
I'm never in my underwear but I have said "Die Bitches" to them.
Iamnotmyself 17
He sounds like my pimp. Only with more guns and baseball bats and less ant poison.
mandee612 15
Nice
leftyy 0
top 5 funniest fmls I've a Eva read do sho
chuckychan 8
you will never know until you try . its fun!
EvilPotato 15
those ants are crazy bitchs.
skizzlerz 0
Any Bully much? Just don't be surprised if you find a bug sized version of your father on your kitchen counter tomorrow trying to steal a bread crumb.
aKaClickZ 4
18 - you're sick, but I like your style.
dzhonatan 14
Sounds like he's the type of guy who'd rather use a blow torch on the roaches and a sound amplifier so he could hear the screams of the roaches. Haha. There's this roach killer in Russia that when you spray the roaches, they stop, start to shake, literally split in two, and die. It's rad.
shannonreneee 11
122, significant decrease of cockroaches a d bugs in my house now. This method works.
KaanTech 0
well my solution for ANY kind of pests is simply arming my lighter and parfume, aim at the target, pulling the trigger of both at thr same time i tried shooting a big spider with my electrical Airsoft gun but it didnt gone very well...
humorizer 14
Was he met by all the neighborhood kids and their paintball guns?
andy_l 14
Watch out for him, if there's ever a zombie apocalypse.
angiedancesalott 8
i wish my dad did that! hahaha.
MyScrewedUpLifeS 0
don't piss off your dad. and consider getting him some pills...and pants
sparklecherry 4
Yeah, sure 150. I bet your house is nasty with dead roaches laying around.
TuteSweet 13
true!
PinkieKeen 20
Bitches get stitches
Zero22120 12
Who needs to call pest control when you've got dad?
JodeMiVida 13
Agreed
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Nice kitty :D
Jaxx66 21
Haha. Guess the problem needed to be taken care of quickly! Wearing pants maximises your chances of getting them stuck in the pant legs.
annasworld 3
this fml is freakn hilarious
annasworld 3
this fml is freakn hilarious
Zero22120 12
#25 Thanks!
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Introducing D.A.D. Also known as Die, ants! Die! It's 100 percent effective, and 100 percent embarrassing!
jake1632 9
#2 you gotta niiiiice pussy might wanna shave that thingbefore it starts shedding.
Sassybq1 13
EPIC WIN^^^^^^
cameron194 9
hahaha epic comment 86, I lmao'd
swasticop 0
Since he does not seem to be embarrassed easily, you should tell all your friends and family. They will laugh, and you will feel better.
Crlnprz 11
nice username haha
swasticop 0
Danke
tandem123 6
Well, they told everyone on FML.
TessIsabella 0
Consult your doctor if problems persist
koe4 0
i think you mean exterminator.
1vdog 0
I think you mean psychiatrist.
bizarre_ftw 22
No, isn't it obvious? She means chiropractor! How'd you guys miss that?
Blueglasscup 18
Cool dad bro. Also at least he was wearing undies? :)
denbeste 3
Yes, he was. Read the fml, or was that a random question mark?
dorkexplosion 7
so true! things could have been a whole lot worse without them..
anongrl 2
17- Reread the comment. Slowly.
yomommma 6
It would have been better if he was wearing a thong.
yomommma 6
It would have been better if he was wearing a thong.
sheethapins 13
17 While you're at it, read the username, slowly... I think "bro" is an incorrect term to describe op...
dreawlkr523 0
That's an awesome dad.
lolasains 7
Wow I could not find anything to say this is just so ... odd.
kooner55 0
My dad does that but with gun and the ants are my family
madibrielle212 0
Wtf?
hImAnAm3iZsUzi3 0
Lol nice
MinkaGraham 0
not funny , you need a stern talkin to , bhoy .
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Who wouldn't do that? I ******* hate those little bastards I cANT stand them D:
toyotagirl 0
Ha me to
DjeePee 25
What have the ants done?
NomOnShroomz 14
Ants are ass holes, that's common knowledge.
MsMeiriona 2
They're an invasion force, gotta protect his home!
Majstr 23
One day they will eat your dinner.
sourgirl101 29
and end up in your pants!
enonymous 9
These ants were plotting a terrorist attack on the sugar bowl.
ImmaB3AST 7
They are on his property duhh! Kill them bitches
LilTiki559 13
the ants got his pants!! ants in the pants!:).
mk58 31
Can I have your dad? Mine is too boring.