Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
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Top comments
vicky_lynnnnn 11
At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha
ThatHorse 15
How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?
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Comments (115)
mylifesF 15
How dare you kick a cat- oh wait nvm.. We're all good lol
corky1992 33
I know it was just a dream, but I sure hope you don't actually kick your cat! Feel bad for your poor husband though. That's not exactly the best way for a guy to wake up lol.
saraaa2552 15
Why were family jewels near your feet?
counting_graves 0
Why would you even -want- to kick your pet? I have well behaved cats and never saw it as an option.
thatonetribute 31
You deserve it, for kicking your cat in your dream.
LilMissCanadian 22
I hate dreams that you act out in real life. That must have been painful for your husband.
DerpAngel 8
Glad to know I'm not the only one who refers to them as family jewels too XD
KaidensCrow 18
f his and the cats life
20minutesto9 23
This is really more of an fml for your husband...and possibly your cat if you actually kick it in real life.
THE_AJ26 11
F your husbands life, and I thought "family jewels??" and then I was like "family jewels ?"