Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
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Top comments
Shannon98 16
Aww your nephew sounds sweet.
Sebastian2022 22
I think your 5 year old nephew bought the balls on eBay! :P
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Comments (150)
Sebastian2022 22
I think your 5 year old nephew bought the balls on eBay! :P
vikky538 29
Yup.. Two strong metal balls
thejonac 21
reminds me of what russell peters said during one of his shows HAHA
ArtistKs 12
nah that's cause he's maltese :P
NYM88 26
You have no balls to sell man.
tantanpanda 26
All bets are off if it were flying. You could be the most manly person in the world, but you would freak out if it came flying at you.
countryb_cth 38
It's even worse when you wear glasses, anytime a bug flies at you it looks 10x bigger. I don't care if someone calls me a wimp if I see a giant bug fly at me imma freak out.
NYM88 26
I can't help but think of that Family Guy episode with the bad cockroaches...
NYM88 26
http://youtu.be/hOed0qAt-fg Those are some baaad roaches!
cooltatgar 31
Try exploring your feminine side.
Shannon98 16
Aww your nephew sounds sweet.
imerichello 18
Your nephew is amazing
iPixelCheese 19
At least he is nice and didn't make fun of you like a bunch of jerk kids.
Steffi3 40
So who is the role model now? =p
Shadowinthesun 15
Ladies man??
Miss_Whipped 43
OP is male.
lovelockdown23 23
Lol I see what you did there!
jesuis_julie 21
Aww your nephew is a hero OP!