Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
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Top comments
vicky_lynnnnn 11
At first I was like "kicked the cat? You deserve it" then I was like "oh" haha
ThatHorse 15
How damn hard did you kick the cat in the dream?! Did you treat it like a football or something?
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Comments (115)
raym1900 3
best thing i read all day.
iHappyFeet 11
I felt the kick just from reading this
apineapple 40
We all did #12. We all did...
ImTheAlpha 30
I did and I don't even have balls
tosdyke 16
must of been a really good cat nap!
thatguy240 27
Why would you kick a real cat anyway?
I_Like_Dogs 28
You can't control your dreams.
Nilorak 24
Actually you can.
NateshN 18
why the downvotes, you really can- it's called "lucid dreaming".
lolbash 18
But only 15% of he american population do it
hersheykisses511 18
its really fun. I've trained myself to do it.
BamBAmGG 14
She's a bitch for thinking it's okay to kick animals.
I_Like_Dogs 28
Well, someone should have warned me. I would save me from unconsciously doing a lot of stupid things, like climbing to the top of a building and swimming with cows.
brand125 17
56 - you dont know she thinks its okay to kick animals, so youre a bitch for calling her a bitch... dreams can be completly random and not a reflection of how someone is in real life. aparently people get judged on their uncontrollable dreams now... lovely
weaboo 12
nateshN not everyone has lucid dreams and I assume that the OP probably wasn’t having a lucid dream if they were not aware that they were dreaming
weaboo 12
She kicked a cat in a dream not a real cat
jakers8424 18
Did you give it a kiss to make it better
TheDevilsDevices 15
Got a good laugh on that one...
Bandicoot88 16
Kick him right in the "pussy"
pete9913 23
You can't really help what you do in your sleep, but if it keeps happening, you may need to put something between you, or get separate beds. I wouldn't last through too many of those.
Matheo_fml 21
Been on the receiver end of these unfortunately multiple times. Worst thing to wake up to!!
whattheduckkkkt 9
How were you even in that position to do that?