Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 12 AM. After I told her to chill, I realized the mattress needed some air. Inflating it didn't work so I looked for the puncture wound. While trying to find a hot glue stick to patch it with, I got a thin shard of glass in my foot, which broke while I tried to get it out. FML
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Top comments
artsyfox 3
better than waking to a strangled dead cat
ellakacyme22 6
Pop goes the cat
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Comments (199)
katymack 11
Sucks to suck.
number0 8
Must be one fat cat
OriginalimoaN 15
Boo!!!
Sammeh_Higgins 0
The cat is going to get revenge when you least expect it.
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
yeah lets just hope the cat has a dream of chasing a mice when sleeping between OP's legs, hehe
youcunthole 0
Pop that pussy!!(song reference)
enonymous 9
She's using the same method she used on her acne too
thimovw 4
Sure thing...
DryHumor 4
He was poppin' a pussy. I'm sorry I even tried..
xosportsgirl14x 8
#2- no...? This is the first FML in a long time that has literally made me lol. :3
bulgeinmypants 0
Pop that pussy for a real nigga -Drake
jillianmathers12 13
Furry balloon!
Symmetry88 0
Maybe OP is massively obese and the cat felt really light to her, and she thought it was a balloon....DAMN.....Pop Goes The Pussy!
Naitsi 19
rofl
Xr70r7 4
Please stop judging that poor cat! Hahaha
FarSide 23
Pop the cat, or poop the cat?
mrdanoob 0
Lol ur such a dick
crazy_whitechick 6
Does it even say the cat was fat?...
pyromania21 0
way the **** was op trying to pop it with
cuppycake11 0
Lolz yup I'm wondering how u didnt here da sounds??
artsyfox 3
better than waking to a strangled dead cat
jhldc 1
God if you killed you cat that would've been a real CATastrophe.... Yes that was pretty bad
False_Stupidity 42
So bad that it left me in a CATatonic state...
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
They both made me feel bad :/
kaprookie 3
21 & 46. No.
Teehee2 0
just no.
graham11 14
That awkward moment..
graham11 14
Don't even try
cuppycake11 0
Tats so true!! :)
EmilyStrauch 8
Poor kitty. I bet eveyone thinks you cut know because of the scratches
thatssomeBS 9
*now
DryHumor 4
That's some bullshit.
Fenthik 4
Because anyone with scratch marks are cutters... No, reasonable people ask where you got them before assuming the worst.
fatraptorjesus13 9
I think I understand
VeganVampyre 27
4- there are so many things wrong with that, I don't even know what to say... I guess I'll settle for, "you're a dumbass. Grow up."
Sebastian_NG 17
They do think that... I've had cats all my life and always get scratches, besides my straight black hair doesn't help people understand I'm not some emo cutter, people who only see others with stereotypes are so inmature
causticgirl 6
You might want to concentrate a little more at school. You look too old to not know the difference between "now" and "know". Sad.
YoTengoTomatoes 7
76- though op's story is interesting, when people ask about the marks, plainly saying 'my cat scratched me' is actually one of the most used excuses. So then it won't be as believable. So yea, 4 does kind of have a point :/
Fancyy 0
A cutter on their knees ?
HannahPaloozah 0
This is stupid , cat scratches look different then when you cut yourself And the cat scratches , in this case, would be on ops knees
FarSide 23
Poor Emily. I bet everyone thinks you're an idiot because of your ****** up post.
ohmandapants 17
^Well, yeah. Though, we don't think she's an idiot so much as KNOW she's an idiot because of her stupid comment. "wow your knees are really scratched. Do you cut yourself by any chance?"
vannaxo 0
Did you really care enough to actually comment that? Just saying.
YoTengoTomatoes 7
Yes, some people do cut on or around their knees. Not just their wrists.
lalatookasheema 8
Dang. Poor cat..
katymack 11
Why was my comment removed?
iam_yummylicious 12
Yeah. F the cat's life O.O
VertigoSD 0
No joke...this is an FML for the cat not you!!
cuppycake11 0
Ur just shady man I'm proply cuz I love cats even tho I'm allergic but ur just shady
ellakacyme22 6
Pop goes the cat
EvilCupcake8361 9
meow
thisisafunnyname 12
pop goes the boner
valdancer99 0
Pop goes the weasel.
rawrgle 7
Pop goes the c-c-combo breaker!
cuppycake11 0
Lolz watch him actuly pop it omg XD
mangoboy1 19
As lil Wayne once said, "pop that pussy"
celicagirl 5
this should be an FML for the cat instead :P
TheHarvardian 25
Haha, oh god. I really shouldn't be laughing at that, but it's really kind of hilarious. I have done things like that in my sleep before, so I know how it is and how much that sucks.
murdersquirrel 15
Oh man...this made me LOL more than any other FML ever has.
sertraline 0
Giggled for a good ten minutes. Poor cat, but excellent post.
mea_iloveskiing 26
Kitty cannon
ceepevoy 0
WILSON!!!!!!
DuRpY 5
If you were to hold your phone at arm's length and squint and use a little bit of imagination, you can use mea's profile pic as fappable material. Just saying. You can. I won't. *cough*
missamazinggg 12
44- you seem to have put some thought into that one
MwahFMLS 6
Meow.. Meow.. MEOW!!!!!!
tsim_fml 0
me-no...
MwahFMLS 6
Jerk.