Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML
Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
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Top comments
tylerbro 3
Did the boat chum before he did?
Rapide100 6
You do know there's nothing wrong with just having sex ON the boat...
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Comments (125)
challan 19
Chumming for jaws! He always attacks during the sex scene... Da dum da dum da dum
ICastillo 25
Na your thinking of Jason Vorhees that guy always kills during a sex scene.
Drigr 9
I read the FML as two ways and can't tell which one it would be. They got in the water, meaning the boat had launched and was in the water, or they literally got out of the boat and into the water to have sex. If its the latter, the guy who chummed was a dbag for doing it with people in the water
onlychildFTW 34
I read it as they got into the water and had sex while they were in the water. Not on the water. It can only be read one way actually.
cch2014 1
Chumming that soon is nothing to be ashamed of
mikeawesome 0
Lmao
Jonkbaby 23
op dump his ass
Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7
First !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beastiness 14
Ydi for doing that where there are fishing boats
BountyBass 13
Or where there are sharks
ScaughtieHolden 11
The fishing boat saw them having sex and "chummed" I chuckled.
deviable 9
It's also pretty gross to have sex in a lake/ocean/swimming pool, and not just because of the chum. So many germs... Shudder.
lunchladyliz 2
:o
Gringe 1
Yeah u cud get a uti... Dont do it in beaches ocean ponds lakes hottubs bathrooms or dumpsters behind wendys (mc donalds is fine, bacteria cant survive on their food)
stephan18 23
You kidding me? XD they live in hong kong... A few years from now maybe we'll see a FML talking about a kid who was conceived in a chum accident :)
rangermedic77 5
It's not like it smelled any different for him
Rapide100 6
You do know there's nothing wrong with just having sex ON the boat...
Roevera 14
Now where's the fun in that? Sex ON the boat is simply too mainstream nowadays..
NuTrees 9
Sex in the water scores more points duh.
coldashell 23
If they were in the water then why would the fisherman chum the water? Wouldn't get natural fish smell already do that for him?
calilovergirl 4
I agree. I thought of dirty salt water....in places it shouldn't be...sounds...well I'd rather stay on the boat.
TwiztedYuri 9
I guess he couldn't get her wet
Dr0reos 8
did anyone else laugh a bit about that part with the boat "chumming"
ZooMzy 9
"We got in the water" could've meant they took the boat out onto the water, not just physically getting into the water. Either way sucks.
angeluv_2014 22
seriously... it's extremely unhygienic to have sex in natural water... you could have gotten one hell of an infection OP! not to mention the bacteria from the chumming!! horrifying to even think about all the bacteria in that water >_
Ajwc101 24
Next time have sex on the boat or a bedroom.
Epikouros 32
Sex on a bedroom could be dangerous, especially if it's a sloped roof.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Do it like Lois and Peter: Have sex on your Dad's back to piss him off.
tylerbro 3
Did the boat chum before he did?
danishbagel 3
It chummed all over them. What?
Margemander 4
dangit! I meant to thumb that up.
GhettoMuzick 0
Heheh punny:)
ebonyirony 29
Omg I just chame
ICastillo 25
Well there you go foreplay, instead of chocolate you have fish guts to lick off.
CalCommando 6
Chum is fum.
DocBastard 40
I'm waiting for the "Doesn't matter, had sex on a boat" comments. I predict at least 15 of them.
Llama_Face89 34
But they weren't in the boat...doesn't matter had sex in a shark?
auzz1_pride 9
I will save you the horror docbastard and say it, doesn't matter, had sex in blood and fish guts. Come at me thumbs down.
auzz1_pride 9
^ I do insist, not scared to be thumbed down :)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What's that in your picture, Doc? *chews on a carrot*
Demonfish 14
51- I believe that it is an X-ray of a false hip, along with the other bones in that general area.
wubbazugg 5
But they didn't have sex on a boat. Comprehend much?
klovemachine 24
Doesn't matter had sex in the water :D I only say this to spite docbastard
Llama_Face89 34
51- looks like someone's hip replacement came outa is socket/setting/thing.
ConesOfDeath 0
Doesnt matter, he chummed. ..wait, that's not it?
bargarlm 2
Either go to a different area or stay in the freakin boat. That's nasty.
Jewnut 0
soooo nasty! why would anyone have sex in river/lake water? do you like funk in your lady parts?
muFilter 19
Soooo nasty! Do you like funk in your lady parts? Waaaaaaaahhhh!!! Get up (get on up), Get up (get on up)! Stay on the scene (get on up), Like a sex machine (get on up)!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
HEY! I feel good! (nanananananana) I knew that I would! (nanananananana) I feel nice! (nanananananana) Sugar and spice! (nanananananana) So good! (dun dun) So nice! (dun dun) I got you!
alexicanaaa 7
Sex in dirty river water? That's not very romantic either.
KiddNYC1O 22
Seriously. And what about shrinkage in that possibly cold water?
RedPillSucks 33
Easy, do it in the water of a nuclear reactor runnoff. 1. Your junk will glow in the dark, so you can more easily see where to put it. No more "wrong hole" screams. 2. The radiation will make your junk bigger (whoops, OP is the woman). The radiation will make your **** bigger