Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML
Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML
Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
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Top comments
MonsterCommenter 4
You sir, have reached level 99 of Assholishness and YDI.
mpsteve137 15
I wish I could hit YDI twice. Douche.
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Comments (231)
Ynasia 5
Has anyone thought that maybe this girl isn't as young as she looks? Some girls could be in their late-twenties but still like they're teenagers. Take my English teacher for one...I'd have to say YDI, OP, there's no excuse for saying something insulting in public unless you were incredibly drunk/having mental issues.
lmw562 3
It shouldn't matter what age she looked like. It wasn't op's business to make any form of a comment.
Jessj958 19
I am almost 28 and have been told numerous times that I look way younger. I have also been told I don't look old to have two children. OP shouldn't have assumed she was a teenager just by the way she looks. And I totally agree with #68, it was not his place to make any comment at all. Violence wasn't the answer but maybe OP will learn to keep his opinions to himself from now on!
rebel6784231 8
You are a complete asshole, why not mind your own damn business rather than judging others.
zandalee 20
Why do you feel it is your right to judge other people's lives? Hopefully you just learned a life lesson.
Rocky007 15
Responsible adults DO judge other people's lives. Teenagers should not be having babies.
xcheshirecat 11
it might have not been hers anyway. Not because I'm alone with my nephew that I suddenly become his mom
holagranola 15
Assuming makes an ass out of you and me OP.
MrBond007_fml 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Screw all these nay sayers, someone needs to show these stupid kids there place.
MrBond007_fml 6
I consider it a public service what you did.
Shrike 24
Okay, well while we're putting stupid kids in their place, it's spelled "their", for ****'s sake.
lostcrazydiamond 10
*Their. And, even if she is a teenager and doesn't just look young, is it not better that she's attempting birth control rather than doing nothing?
MrBond007_fml 6
Thank you for noticing 30 Actually 33, I don't mean to be a smart ass, but if she did nothing, it would be impossible for her to have a child in the first place...
Mearemoi 14
Has, I dunno, babysitting ever occurred to you?
kasumirock 13
I completely agree, teen pregnancy is a travesty in this day and age.
chellyX92 8
And if she's watching her sisters kids or is 26 that had twins I mean come on. It's not OP's job to tell kids what they are doing is stupid. It's the parents. Which he isn't, therefore he deserved it. Grant it assault is illegal.
mami16 2
oh yea... he sure showed her, by getting his ass whooped!
auzz1_pride 9
40, are you mentally retarded? Or just being a dick for your own amusement?
PYLrulz 17
So Mr. Bond, how much did you screw in your younger years?!? I find that those who act like pretentious assholes were quite the ***** (or in your case, male jiggalos) in their day
SenselessPattern 12
This is going to be pretty ******* random, but #40, when you tack on a bajillion periods at the end of your statement, it feels to me like like you're shrugging like you don't even care if what you said just flew out your ass. Periods and me get along even worse than most women do with theirs. Well, cluster-periods anyways. Probably doesn't seem like that to everyone else though.
xNephilim 19
111, in this day and age? You do realize that back in the day, people had kids at an even earlier age?
prettypinkpixie 9
You didn't deserve to get the shit beat out of you. But really, mind your own business. You don't know how old the girl is. You don't know that those were her kids. And if they were her kids, condoms will prevent her from having more.
rabid_fish 4
That's the kind of thing you think, not say.
loserboii 11
You are very witty OP. Unfortunately no one found it funny.
crzyballplayer25 4
hahaha thats funny as **** lmao