Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML
Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML
Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
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Top comments
MonsterCommenter 4
You sir, have reached level 99 of Assholishness and YDI.
mpsteve137 15
I wish I could hit YDI twice. Douche.
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Comments (231)
snippit 18
Nice work idiot, I'm 20 n get asked for Id to see 15+ movies :/ If it were me I would have slapped you when my bf was done with you.
chinagirl3343 8
Hope you had him arrested.
greeneye_fml 12
Charge the thug baby daddy with assault like he deserves.
jamilla97 5
Next time think before you speak. You don't Know her story.
TrollingStalker 16
Totally had it coming.
SuzyTurquoiseBlu 25
Sorry, but you SO deserved it! She may have two children... but did you consider that she WANTED those kids and is taking precautions afterwards, so that she doesn't have any unwanted pregnancies? Its the QUALITY of the parenting, that should count, so who are you to judge? Kudos to her boyfriend. Hopefully he beat some sense and decency into you.
BigGecci 0
Dats sme funni shyt.......i wonder hw that asswhoppin turned out? Shoulda kept tht 2 urself! And evn if those were her kids she's doin the right thng gttn sme condoms, cuz dnt u thnk her n her boyfriend wnt 2 hve sex again silly!? U totally deserved it!!!!!!
millysala 5
Lmao nice!
KaeSAL 11
That's the kind of remark you make to a friend when the stranger is out of earshot OP.
cellycrunk 16
Dick.