Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I realized the fun of sneaking around on my girlfriend with her hot mom wasn't worth it when I found out that both my girlfriend and her mom have ended up pregnant. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. His mom didn’t know much about it, and she walked in on us. After about 5 minutes she came back up, threw a box of condoms at us, says, "Continue" and walked out. We were still fucking while she was in the room. FML
Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML
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Top comments
summerbreeze888 10
At least she knows your being safe and responsible right? But that would still be pretty awkward
DocBastard 40
The only thing more awkward would be shopping with her FOR condoms for two hours. "Do you think this one would look good on him? Oooh! Wait, this one is ribbed AND has spermicidal lubricant! Get this one!"
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Comments (90)
summerbreeze888 10
At least she knows your being safe and responsible right? But that would still be pretty awkward
Shy_Anne 10
At least it wasn't a pregnancy test O_o
amanda_say_whutt 9
My boyfreinds mom found my pregnancy test. I can honestly say I wish she would of found condoms...
AlaskanEskimo34 0
At least it wasn't sex toys. I don't know why but it's always moms who find sex toys to be the most repulsive things in the world.
thatssomeBS 9
They actually aren't being that safe if the condoms are left in the car. Temperature fluctuations can be disastrous for condoms.
bruinboy44 0
make sure his mom didn't steal any
roadie143 0
thats legendary.. :)
ZDK5498 6
hidden stash? was she being a nosy bitch!? dude that's rude to look around someone's things. sorry that happened to you but you are using protection, so at least she will give you props for that :)
EvilPotato 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That'll make some really awkward family reunion.
ICATiger 13
At least she knows you're using protection!
Enslaved 38
At least she knows you're being safe. I'm sure she knows you two are doing it. Or you could have blamed it on your sibling/parents. Btw storing condoms in a car doesn't seem like a good place to keep them in there safest condition.
Enslaved 38
*their (:
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
It's not, their more likely to break if you do
sunnyblue2380 0
They're*
Torva_fml 16
I feel like I need to make an error and fit in....... There pineapples are mushy.
Torva_fml 16
Their!*
Perdition 4
Correct - storing condoms in a car/back pocket/fireplace/oven/heater exposes the condom to heat, which causes it to expand. The expanding makes the minuscule holes that exist between every particle bigger, which allows for semen and "other bodily fluids" to pass through. Long story short, keeping your condoms in areas with higher temperatures/higher concentrations of heat (even if only for a short time) will make the condom less effective against the protection of STI/STDs as well as pregnancy.
cfalen 0
So put your condoms in a fridge or freezer is what you're saying?
2ndSucks 15
Now imagine this FML, but with the hidden stash of condoms in the fridge.. It gets so much better.
luckyd880 12
Brrrr...no thank u. Lol
cfalen 0
Trojan icy not hot
Explicitng 0
That's what she gets for snooping thru your car. She shoulda minded her bidnezz.
rachelkoo 10
through*?should've*, business*
ImmenseCabbage 0
Maybe OP had told he to grab something out of the glove compartment, center console, etc. She wasn't necessarily "snooping thru" the car.
ImmenseCabbage 0
*her
RussianBabe 1
she should be proud of her son , at least he is getting laid ! that's what my bf mom said when she walked in on us ....
underguarded 20
You went too far by the end of your comment
ItsMe805 0
Just bu her choice of name im gonna assume "RussianBabe" is a guy
terrask 11
Now why would keeping the condoms in the car be more convenient than in the bedroom...
LunaDragon 10
Car sex, duh.
DocBastard 40
The only thing more awkward would be shopping with her FOR condoms for two hours. "Do you think this one would look good on him? Oooh! Wait, this one is ribbed AND has spermicidal lubricant! Get this one!"
EvilPotato 15
That would be so awkward you could almost taste it.
iceroyalty1984 14
Please do not ever keep condoms in your car if you want them to be effective. I hope she explained this to you because I think it'd be even more awkward for her to find out you're pregnant and then go shopping for two hours.